Friday, August 15, 2003

Of Fish Fry and Felonious Farces

So i'm walking through the local Super Wal-Mart (i say local as if there weren't another one block in the OTHER direction) today, tonight actually, when i happen a glance at the fish they have flipflopping (reference there folks, for those of you who caught it) in their spacious if not WAYTHEHELLTOOILLKEPT tanks. It's somewhere after a tank of tetras that i notice a bottomfeeder (algae-eater) by himself towards the back.

Notice i called this fish a bottomfeeder. Do you know how hard it is to eat while lying on your side if you are a BOTTOM feeder? Can you imagine adding the fact that you are no longer breathing to that equation? Would you perhaps go so far as to speculate that your lifespan may at this point be able to be calculated in negative numbers?

OK fine, so they had a dead fish. Sure bottomfeeders are hard to kill, after all, they have a very discerning palate! (would you prefer the green algae topped with fish droppings? or the algae salad with fish poo mixed in for a tangy kick?) But we all know that shit happens. look at Flip... .

Or look at Lilly. She is most definitely proof that shit does not have to be housed in a puppy's body... it can materialize for no reason whatsoever 10 feet from where you have been watching said pup, and in quantities which would instantly negate any further investigation into the matter as they are twice the size of the body which is said to have contained them. If there are miles of intestine in the average mammal, Lilly is most certainly using her body to the fullest.

Enough of that.

Back to the fish - Fuck you Wal-Mart. After i got to the third or fourth tank with dead fish in them, i finally found one where there were no dead fish ... just a few on the verge. Fins laid back, floating vertically... you know the type. I think that was what got me the worst. It was a Black Moor - the same kind as my Othello. It was really sad to see a creature living it's life in a crowded cell with no care and it's only "masters" obviously ignoring his health, and that of the other fish around him.

I know it seems silly to get upset about something like that... you should have seen me when i found out why Flip died - i swear, if this were oldschool japan, me and hari kari would have gotten to know each other pretty well because of that betrayal of trust and lack of care which resulted in a most likely fairly painful and suffering death.

Anyways... on a lighter note: Have you ever seen those DVD players at Wal-Mart or RadioShack called Go-Video? It's actually a good brand, cheap but well made. You know who walked into my store and asked for my help and got sold a bunch a stuff he didn't come in for?

The CEO of Go-Video. That was cool.

Otherwise the day was pretty blah. I got a fun e-mail from Brandie, (who is, btw, the greatest flatterer ever) and got offered some work-from-home job (yay... really, yay...) and got to meet one of the brothers from this area! YAY! I did, however, recieve in the mail my "Lienholder's Release" letter, which should help resolve the matter of the car title and registration. ... This is, btw, like trying to cut down a tree by running around it in a Tu-Tu. Very Quickly.

BTW... do you know how awesome of a parallel parker i am? I do.

Oh, and that blackout thing, while not cool, was kinda cool.

Well folks - i apologize for this being such a blah blog, but i am mui tired, and would like very much to go sleepysleep now.

... OH! And be on the lookout for a new blog column coming soon from the Hollander. Highland attitude, Holland shoes. The Hollander - coming soon to a sword shop near you.... unless they're too expensive, in which case he'll just settle for a set of Ginsu knives from JCPenny.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and remember to kick with the FOOT. Kicking with your hand, while moderately more effective, is often considered a punch - this therefore invalidates any entries into the KICH WITH THE FOOT contest. Sorry, try again later.

Remember, foot.


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