Friday, August 29, 2003

MY DEAR GOD. Has it really been that long?

Well i made it a week or so without missing a day, and now 2 in a row!! yeesh! well, i'm sure you'll all forgive me somehow - or not, but i'm hoping yes.

What's up with you?? It's been so long since we chatted that i think the world must be completely different since then... no? really? you mean i haven't missed much? funny that. There hasn't been much going on here either.

Well, let's see if i can give you the skinny on what's going down here - though considering how little that is, the "skinny" might resemble an anorexic broom... but hey, you're reading, so ill provide the literatura.

Wait. I have to pee.

Ah, yes... much better.

So as i was saying, "ON WITH THE LITERATURE! HO!"

So i'm sure you're all dying to hear news about Lilly, Obie, Othello, and Ori. Let me start with the puppy, because she and i had words. Actually, i don't really wanna talk about the puppy - suffice it to say that she got a new kennel and she's apparently liking it a lot more than the old one!

Obie? yeah well, he's being obie. Oberon's not much for attention, but when he doesn't get it he tends to get a little jealous. (refraining from making a general comparison to women here) ... (whoops, i don't think i was actually gonna type that whole thing out...) ... (yeah there was definitely supposed to be some censoring between my brain and my fingers... damn it all, i think it's happening again.)

RIIIIIIIGHT. ... what's an ark?

The fish are doing great, and i think that i finally figured out what is wrong with the plants... TOO MUCH EFfing FE! (iron folks, Fe is iron) So what i'm planning on doing is restructuring my methodology a little. First, i'll give the tank a 2 week break with the Plant Fertilizer - and i'll finally figure out how many dang drops is in 10 ml and start measuring right. Plan 2B (i couldn't decide whether to go with a 2 or a B - fuggit!) is to start using a 2:1 mixture of tap water to mineral water during water changes. ... let's see, that's 1/3 of 1/4 of 7 gallons.... hmmm.... ok look, if you figure that one out, then translate it into quarts and/or liters for me and send it to my e-mail address. I saw a 10 gallon tank for 10 bucks - the only thing was that the hood was 24, but hell, that's still just 34, yknow? so i thought about it, then i just kinda kicked myself and said: that's 34 bucks that you don't need to be spending on a "Plant Tank" ... then i kicked myself back and yelled something about never kicking me again - that's when people started looking at me kinda funny and i started pointing accusatory fingers. ... of course that didn't work out too well either. I guess i could understand the whole "panicked look on all their faces" thing now that i look back on it - but it wasn't my fault! I started it! ... wait ... damn.

And so we flit back to the world of normalcy...

Have y'all read the Hollander yet? I know it's just a little bit of a teensy weensy look into what may or may not be an interesting escapade, but i'd like to know what you think! If you've never seen The Highlander, and you can't imagine me in a trenchcoat and wooden clogs, then - well... you're lucky i guess.... Either way, read The Hollander with patience - I ain't Steven King (notice i refrained from inserting a "no" after the "ain't"??? HAH HAH! Die, double-negative scum!) and I don't expect to be, so the grammar, descriptive ability, and all-in-all imagination may be lacking. "love me, that's all i ask of you!"

So I'm thinking about getting a job at Game Crazy or one of these other video game places - the pay is shit but i get free rentals!! (up to three at a time, limit one porno per customer, certain restrictions may apply) Besides, it's not like i'm gonna be makin a lotta pinata (what?) any time soon anyways, i might as well have a nice, relaxing place to go that isn't home and i get cool stuff for! Plus hey, discount, nuff said.

I dunno though... we'll see how it goes.

Is anyone here good at writing resumes? Or know someone who is? Or better yet, know someone in the Radio biz? I could sure use a few pointers. I just looked at my resume tonight (BTW, BIGASS Thankyou to Mike MC for helpin me out with that one - though he probably has no clue that i even have this little page) and though it may be a good IT go-getter resume, i don't know how to rework it to BS ... uh, i mean HIGHLIGHT my past work experiences! Again, e-mail.

I dunno - life's kinda crazy right now. Even though it's pretty stable, it feels like it's still transitioning, yknow? Like the wave has passed, but the undertow is tugging a little at your feet. ... of course that could be a shark, but let's think optimistically here. It's just that i don't really know where i'm headed right now - but i know that i don't want to go back, and i have no clue if i should bother going forward. I know that's totally stupid to say - let me think of a better way to express my emotions here:

I don't know if i am where i'm supposed to be, or if not, where i'm supposed to go - but i have a feeling that the previously mentioned undertow (not meant in a threatening or depressing manner at all - it could in fact be replaced by a "current" analogy if not for the whole "wave" thing) isn't quite done with me yet, and i'll be experiencing a fairly significant alteration in my life or lifestyle before this feeling passes. Note i made no mention of when that might be. As an old answering machine message used to say "... I may be Magnificent, but I am NOT psychic!" ::sigh:: those were the good old days. I think some of my fondest college memories revolve around my answering machine. Seriously - how special do you feel after you walk in the door and hear that beeping sound telling you that you have a message??

The joys of a letter or a postcard have been replaced by the quick high of an answering machine message, IM, or more commonly, E-Mail.

There was a time when i would have thought it odd that i'm getting depressed thinking about answering machine messages and IMs, but not anymore. Have you ever noticed that for most of us in the CyberGeneration (make no mistake, that's what we are... just ask Gramma IDontKnowHowToTurnThisDarnThingOn) can gauge the progression of our college (and highschool for you youngins) careers through IMs and E-Mails? Seriously, think about it! Compare: The last time you went to a coffee house, or a common area to hang out with your friends was probably nowhere near as recent as the last time that you had 5 IM windows open at the same time - at least one of those being of someone right down the hall from you!

Evolution?? This is fucking recockulous! Helps with homework?? Oh dear! How the fuckadiddly did we EVER survive 10, 8, or even just 5 years ago? You know what I remember doing on the internet? JACK. You know what i remember doing in the Library? HOMEWORK. And if you go into the library nearest you right now, what are the odds that the computer you would otherwise sit down at is being used by some jackass who's typing up an email with his "homework" minimized in the background?

I don't think the internet's the devil. Hell, I blog on it! Not like i'm gonna go out and post a page of a diary a day on some random bulletin board! But what are we trading here? I remember when you had to know a guy who's uncle had a few pornos hidden away so that you could even see a naked chick for the first time in your pre-teen life! Now these fucking AIM bots (and don't even ask me how i REALLY feel about those fucking fuckers) send Instant Messages to almost anyone, regardless of age, sex, or level of fucking maturity!

You know what i did when i was first starting with the internet? I talked to people. Random people. In CHAT ROOMS. You remember those? I know there are some people out there who still use them, but for the most part they've turned into the skanky train station elevator that noone goes into unless they wanna smell like urine and semen for the rest of the night.

I hate this fucking shit. Really i do. And yet i'm stuck on it just like everyone else. You wanna know what Karl Marx's "Opiate of the Masses" would be if he was alive today? The internet. Even the most uninterested, hobbyless, sanctimonious person in the world could waste hours on the internet if you sat them down at the right place, the right time, and in possession of a credit card or two.

Online video games? Same thing. People killing people they don't even know, BECAUSE they don't know them. Have you ever been playing one of those games and shot one of the good guys in the back of the head, just because? Because you knew it wasn't real? Because you knew that he would just spawn back in a minute or two and you'd be on the same team again? maybe have a little laugh? maybe kill each other, or flame mail each other, just because? Don't get me wrong. Video games don't kill people - Ignorant, apathetic, parents raising selfish, hateful, psychotic children kill people. Oh, and so do their kids, who i previously mentioned were selfish, hateful, and psychotic.

I don't know why i'm ranting about all this. I guess i miss the old days - the ones i never knew. I miss thinking that i really could just leave everything behind and go meditate and wander the world.

...

I would too. I know it. I know that if i didn't have a family, girlfriend, cat, puppy, and fish, that i would just leave. Sell everything, maybe put it in some sort of investment account with a will that stated that if i hadn't returned to claim the money on or by my 100th birthday, the money was to be donated equally to every honest homeless shelter in the country. Hell, maybe i'd come collect it myself at the end just so i could make sure the money got to people who needed it.

Did you know i find society to be a terrible disappointment? It's true. I feel sick and sorry for the world all at once. Not the US. Not the Middle East. Not China, the UK, France, Russia, or the Czech Republic. The whole world. The whole selfish, hateful, psychotic (catch THAT reference) thing.

Do you remember when you were a kid? Passing a bum on the street and wondering why he was dressed and smelled funny? Why he had to ask for money? Do you remember finding out that someone in your school, or someone in their family had a severe medical condition that wouldn't go away, and they had to ask for help, or drop out of school? Do you remember going to church and saying prayers for those people? Do you remember going back home and sleeping in your bed, and dreaming of how bad it was that people had to go through that? Do you remember? Maybe you weren't in that situation, but i guarantee that you were in one that was pretty similar, or that it was happening all around you, though you might not have known. Do you remember ever during that time, offering, really offering with the intent to give, everything that you possessed, including your time and energy, no matter how meager your possessions, if only it would help those people?

... I didn't think that last one would ring a bell. Don't think me cruel. I know that we all care - we all give. I know it's not your way to take and not to put back. I know that i have spent the last few years of my life thinking that i was putting everyone else ahead of myself. Maybe i was. I don't think so. As i sit here in my posh leather chair in front of my 21" computer screen with surround sound speakers and a fewhundred-if-not-more-dollar desk, i don't think i could really say that i give more than i get. I don't think i could ever have the right to say that i think of others first. I'm a sham. And you know what else? Knowing it makes it worse.

So what's to stop me from leaving it all behind? To just give up on the human race? No i'm not talking about some sort of suicide - i not only don't believe in it, but i think it's a waste of the only thing we have that we didn't have beg, borrow, or steal for. Even things you've been 'given' by your parents, gifts from others - they don't really count when you die, do they? neither does your body - if you think about it the only thing that you've got that was yours just because is that spark - call it the energy in your brain that forms coherent thought, or call it divine influence, breath, spirit, whatever. It's there. We've all seen a corpse at one time in our lives - what's the real difference between them and you? A heart beat? An electronic impulse? Have you ever see a person who was brain dead? Not all those people are being kept alive by some machine - which means their brain is, in fact, still working to some autonomic capacity... but they're not really alive, are they?

::sigh:: I wish i could tell you all everything that i think about this subject, but alas the blog would be too long, my diatribe would be too boring, and in the end, it wouldn't solve anything. I just wish i could go - leave everything. Maybe it's me wanting to run away, avoid the undertow, stop growing up, lose responsibility ... whatever it is, maybe it's not my choice anyways. We are where we should be, right? Remind me to get into my thoughts on fate some time ;-)

Well folks, thank you for lending an ear to my ranting and raving... even if you didn't thank you for skipping down to this part and reading this sentence - if you did neither, the winning lotto number for tomorrow is 2412, but you won't find that out till tomorrow, will you?

KTBB

.Christian

PS: I love my life - i wouldn't ever change a thing about where i am or how i got here ... i guess it's just the question of where i'm going that gets to me sometimes. Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Repose, repose, my kindom for a - wait a minute...

I lament to inform you of this, but i have officially drained all my desire to blog with tonight's "The Hollander" Blog. PLEASE feel free to check it out.

OH!! and i have my e-mail address all set up!! just click on the link to your right and it will open a window in your default mail program, otherwise, just send something to XeroBlog@cox.net! YAY :-) And btw, you don't have to include the word 'blog' anywhere in the subject line now, just can just send it to the address i just mentioned and it will be filed correctly!

... YAY!

Well, this is my cue. Catch ya on the flip side, baby ;-)

KTBB

.Christian

Monday, August 25, 2003

Have you ever wondered: "What's with Today, today?"

I know it's not been too long since we last met, but i HAD to see you again! Oh sigh, oh blush! Oh lordy lordy lordy, what is all this ucky mush?

Did you like my poem? I thought so.

Talent. T-A-L-E-N-T. Oh yeah.

Hey LOOK!!! I can make links and stuff now! There's a BUTTON!! oh.... it's just a script to insert a tag. ... ::sigh:: i bet if i wrote something in between a "<" and a ">" it wouldn't appear. hmmm... apparently i was wrong! how bout a ? hmmm... i guess i was right!! sighs will henceforth be written in between pairs of colons! Let it be so! ha HA! ... well that was fun.

So yeah, i'm forcing Lilly (like she would really put up a fight) to sleep in her kennel (welllll, then again) tonight, hell, maybe for a while. She actually stood there, looked up at me, squatted, and peed... ON HER BED!!!

Cool? No.

I had a pretty good time tonight :-) I went out with Kim H., Elise my Niece, Angie from Bradley, and B (aka nonickname) to this awesome(ish) tavern(ish) sports bar(ish) place where they had all you can eat(ish) wings! Of course, they didn't have any of the beers i wanted, i got charged up the wazoo for substitutions, discriminated against by Steve (aka Chad) because i was the only person at the table that didn't want his phone number, and tried to eat a WetNap... but all-in-all i had a great time!!! Seriously, that last bit totally underplayed how nice it was to be out with my friends chillin' like villains, which was possibly the most awesome and entertaining time (aside from several Yahoo! conversations and Freezer Section Frolicks with a certain funny person who shall remain (::ahem:: B ::ahem::) nameless for the time being) that i've had since i moved here! Yay for the Vine!

My fish are cool.

Seriously, i know that noone else is as gung-ho about them as i am, and that they are just stupid fish to most people that meet them, but i think they're supercool. And believe it or not, they require as much care as the other pets! (actually, MORE than Oberon, who requires minimal care and will take whatever attention you can muster if he's in the mood)

Muster.

...

Wow.

OK, so musicmatch jukebox just annoyed the hell out of me. I kept trying to do this "repair broken links" thing, and it kept saying "oh, no no, everything's FIIIIIINE!!! TRUST me!!! Nothing out of place HERE!"

Then i try to play a file.

Fuck you Jukebox.

:-)

So anyways, while stupidhead thingerdoodle is sloooooooowly re-finding ALLL my songs.... urrrr.

I think i'm going to get a tank, maybe one that's like, 2 gallons, and make it just for plants... whaddaya think? Toss a feeder goldfish in there for fertilizer? (ok, i'm not that cruel folks, i meant the nitrogen cycle and YOU KNOW IT)

So did i ever tell you about the time my gas pedal fell off? Fun times.

You know you're male and unafraid of dying when your lemonade smells funny and you stop breathing for a second so it tastes normal, but you don't take the time to try and figure out why your lemonade would be smelling that way in the first place, and if it's maybe not a good idea to drink it.

I think maybe the whole hairband thing was maybe not so good.... i don't think the grass is very happy right now. ... ::sigh:: oh well. sorry grass, but we all have to go some time.

"And I may be the Mayor of Simpleton, but I know one thing, and that's 'I love you.'" -XT(friggin)C

Man, i really have to get my butt into gear sometime soon. I want to get myself on the job market for that radio job, i have to clean the apartment, (i never said Kim was WRONG, i just disagreed with the PHRASING) and in the more immediate future, i have to go outside and get little lilly's kennel for tonight. I really hate doing it to her, but this might be the only way she'll learn! ... Or ill be giving her a bath bright and early tomorrow.... either way.

did you know that my name is luka? Me neither.

Maybe if i go now i can read a little bit of the Count of Monte Cristo. I stopped reading it before the move and didn't get a chance to get back into it.... ::sigh:: (that's a lot of sighing going on tonight.... wheat thins is crazy!!)

Oh, about that whole email thing, i've been trying to get it all up and going, but Cox was a little bit more than vulnerable to the "Worm" than they were prepared to handle, and so i'm suffering. I'll try calling it in tomorrow, but no promises. In the meantime, if you really want to, you can send me a message at XeroTolerance@cox.net ... just please include the word "blog" (notice i didn't say "blogging", or "blogspot") in the subject line... coo?

Soon my pretties, i will have it all done... i swear!

OK folks - this is me signing off.

KTBB!

.Christian

PS: catch ya on the flip side, baby. (whew, that was just waiting to come out)

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

For the first time since i began this blogging craziness - i missed my blog last night.

I do SO apologize to everyone about that... you must all be very disappointed :-( Wheat thins will not stand! I will make you all happy again my telling you that today is a new day! It is in fact, not yesterday, or saturday, but TOday! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaay (in preacher voice, not exclamatory voice) though it may be unto yesterday though it be begotten by the day before, yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaay (ditto) this is today, this day!

What do I mean?! Absolutely nothing really. No big life changes, or revelations... can i just say something, though? Why is it that some people feel uncomfortable telling you about things that are bothering them until the very last second? And then act like it's your fault for not knowing they would be upset? Of couse, i speak of noone you know.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, i had a great time last night chillin with B :) I think we had more fun walking through the freezer section of the supermarket than i've had doin anything in a long time! Go funny people!

Thanks also goes out to Kim H. for inviting me to the baseball game yesterday! It was REALLY fun! Well, mostly the last inning, but still, pretty much the whole thing was a very enjoyable experience! ... though we got stuck in traffic and i was a psycho driver... details :-)

So i never told you guys about all the stuff the i did on saturday!!! Well, i pretty much did nothing before or after work, and for the most part, at work i didn't do much either. UNTIIIIIIIL around 330 or 4 or so. Get this - i had about 10 tickets, with 8 dollars a ticket or so. (that's 80 dollars folks) Then this lady walks in and wants me to tell her about the Casio cameras! Well, to make a long story short, she bought the same camera i have, and a memory card, and a starter kit! All told, it was around 500some dollars. Wow. But that's not the fun story!

around 5 or so, i'm thinking about getting out a little early, when this woman and her daughter and daughter's friend walk into the store. At first i thought about maybe just giving someone else the sale, because i really don't know that much about the sprint phones and pricing, but thankfully, shana didn't want the ticket - so i proceeded.

First off, let me tell you now what would have otherwise waited till the end of the story: This lady (i won't use her name in light of privacy issues) is one of the coolest people i have ever met in my entire life! She was supernice! She asked me a bunch of questions and respected the answers, but at the same time she was obviously no dummy. I learned a whole bunch of stuff about Guam, and how someday if i go to China, i should go to Macao - the portuguese (settlement?) part of the country. All in all - a cool person.

So the end of the story is that she not only possessed all the characteristics listed above, but she also gave me an incredible sale. She bought a camera phone, a warranty on said phone, 4 accessories, (3 for her daughter, 1 for her) a router, a jack splitter, an ethernet cable - and then she put it all on her brand new RadioShack card! It was great - really awesome. Just so you know folks - i know that we don't all have enough money to just go out and buy whatever we want, but let me tell ya something - nothing makes a salesperson feel better than you buying something as a result of their effort to help you. It really does validate our otherwise verylowpaying position.

Meanwhile, tori is singing about a black dove.

I worked on the tank yesterday, and in half the time, with about 80% less effort, i managed to make the tank look better than it has in a long time, with very little change from what it looked like before i started working on it! I think i might be getting better at this thing! :-) Seriously, the only thing that got knocked out of the substrate (that's gravel) was some of the spiralling grass stuff that i have - and that was easy enough to put back in.

I decided that i wasn't going to allow the algae to continue thriving on the back and side walls of the tank. I know some 'aquarists' (what a funny name) may think it is appealing, but i think it's gross. So there.

So yesterday i went all out with the "breaking of the diet" ritual. It was actually kinda sick ;-) We made CPK pizza (bbq chx) and moz stix, and potato skins, and for dessert we had stawberry boston cream cake (is that the name??) with ice cream (chubby hubby for b, phish food for me) and a dollop of coolwhip.

...

Wow.

i don't think either of us will be eating any time soon. (until lunch anyways ::grin::)

On a personal note- and i'm sorry, but i have to vent -i don't understand why kim is pissed at me! it's like, last night we were talking on the phone (which is the only contact we're having, and VERY limited at that) and instead of talking about what we were doin, or what's up, or whatever, she starts laying into me about picking up and doing the laundry that's 'been lying around since we moved in'. WHAT-EV-ER. One of the few times that we talk, and she wants to get into it about something that may or may not be true, but either way has no relevance! She's not here! Won't be for another 2 weeks! How the hell would she know i didn't clean??

You know what - i know this is one sided - but that's why you read this blog, right? To hear my side of the story. So i'll just say it and get it over with: If i'm going to be talking to my girlfriend on the phone, it better not be so that i can get told what i should be doing to clean an apartment that she can spend the entire day in without cleaning! I know that i don't work 24/seven (which is a good thing, because she would lay into me about THAT too!) and that i could do more around the house - but as far as i'm concerned, if she's staying inside ALL DAY LONG (as she is want to complain NONSTOP about) then maybe when i come home, it should be to a clean house! I have almost as much of her stuff to clean up as mine! I love her, but i swear to God, i'll be - ... urrrrrr. That's as far as i'll get into that. You guys don't really know her that well, and so i don't want to give you a bad impression of her - which may or may not occur as a result of this one-sided rant. Let me just say this though: I'm not perfect, and i know i do stupid things, but that doesn't make me an asswhole, or a jerk, and it certainly doesn't mean that i should be made to feel like one.

The biggest problem i have right now is that i'm fairly sure that the reason all this arguing (notice i said THIS - as in: 'as opposed to any other time. (and there are a lot of them)) is happening in the first place is because i went to the baseball game with Kim H. and then hung out with B. WELL SO WHAT?! I told her about these things in advance, and there was plenty of time to tell me if she had a problem with it! I even recorded the game for her, just like she asked! I TRIED TO TAKE VIDEO OF THE GOOD PARTS OF THE GAME! I did EVERYTHING i could, even bought a souvenier program and guide for her! What the HELL was i supposed to do?! Fly out on a private fucking jet and bring her to the game?! ... i'm getting upset. I apologize for that. I'm sure that by now, those of you that know me probably know that i don't losing control of my temperament. I just wish i knew what it was that i'm supposed to do. She went to chicago and for 2 weeks i could either stay at home, go to work, or hang out with my friends - who are ALL female. Should i just get rid of that last possibility and spend the rest of my time at home and work??

::sigh::

Anyways. It's getting to be around 1030, and i'm sure i've given all of you enough to stomache for one day. I have to go and (did i tell you about this?? it's so much fun!!) do my yoga. Usually takes about an hour, so i'll be doing some fastforwarding through the stuff i still can't do because of my wrist (and every other excuse i can come up with ::grin::) and see if i can't shave some time off the routine.

Did you know that Gouda is dead? It's true, i read it somewhere.

I'm gonna set up an e-mail that you can all send stuff too and comment on the blog, my life, or whatever. It will be XeroBlog@cox.net and MAY be active by the time you read this. (unless you read it after tomorrow, in which case, change that MAY to WILL)

Thank you all for listening to my rant, and not reversing the charges.

;-P

.Christian

PS: if i don't see you tonight - ktbb.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Skip this blog if you don't want to hear me say goodnight in the first few words.

Goodnight.

Wow, record time.

.Christian

PS: i don't know why - if there's any kind of explanation for Granpa sleeping patterns when you're 24, someone please let me know.
PPS: ktbb.
PPPS: (that's k.ick t.hose b.ed b.ugs)

What's New, Who's Who, all Written Down for You!

So for the first time in a while, i feel that i have the energy to put forth a good, solid effort for my blog. ... Hush all you naysayers. (sp? is that even a word??)

I can't say as today was the most exciting day ever - but it was definitely different. I took Kim to the airport at around 5 or so in the morning (did you know there was friggin traffic?!) and then went to work at a totally new store (one in Fountain Hills - the other side of the mountain) which was experiencing some difficulties and therefore required my assistance.

OOh OOh... i downloaded the evaluation version of a program called Acid today - it's a music editing system which can import clips of a variety of formats from a plethora (sp?) of sources. It's the bomb. The only problem with it is that, as are all professional editing programs, it is waaaaaaaaaay more complex than this MacyBrain can handle. Seriously, there are so many things that you can do to and with sounds and music with this program that the human mind actually has to shut down less vital thought processes in order to devote more power to the AcidUsingSection.

This section is NOT a flashback to the seventies - get over it hippie.

Did you know that Suzanne Vega sings a song called "Rosemary" on her "Retrospective: The Best of Suzanne Vega" CD? Did you know that said song is one of the most intriguing, entrancing compositions I have ever heard? I don't even know why! God, she's soooo cool. You want a reaaaaaaally good story/song? (in that order) Listen to "The Queen and the Soldier" off her self titled album. Wow.

So while i was driving back from the airport, i saw a CREW team on the "River"!!! HOW COOL!!! For those not in the Know, ask Dr. Know, there's nothing he doesn't. I loved being on the crew team at NYU - it was one of the best experiences i've ever had participating in a sport. Only problem is that i have no desire to walk around on an aircast again, and even less desire to deal with an injured wrist. (it never really recovered from the surgery i had forever ago... but i'm working on that)

I'm actually getting back into power yoga right now. That was probably one of the best, most athletic things i've ever done - it wasn't the same as crew, but it definitely weren't no pussy shiaht either. My entire body's been sore for days and i look like an idiot doing the poses, but i feel great! Of course, this IS just the first part of the tape.... details.

It occurs to me that my sense of humour is somewhat lacking in this little blog of mine.

Btw- all those who have been reading this blog should be advised of two very important things before i proceed any further:

1) I really appreciate any input you might have about my blog - even if it's suggestions about what I should be writing about or what i shouldn't.
2) My fish tank is a mere 7 gallons. Just so you know.

Folks - i'm exhausted. I hope that this most recent attempt at conveying the deep and colorful experiences of my day-to-day life was a pleasant change from the previous few blogs. If not ... well... you read this far - just read tomorrow's, who knows what dreams may come?

.Christian

PS: sleep tight - bed bugs, feet, 'n all

Friday, August 22, 2003

Filled up Filters Throw Tanks off Kilter

But you already knew that. See, MEEE i'm still getting used to this whole "not destroying the aquarium" thing. Btw, i got tired of the grass floating out, so i hair-banded it together - and i don't mean retro eighties music.

Got to meet a whoooooooooole bunch of cool APO people today - i think this is gonna be a real fun chapter to be around! It may be small, but if the alums that have stuck around are any indication, it's got a LOT of promise.

OK. 1217 and i'm driving kim to the airport in 5 hours.. goodnight.

I know i promised more but alas, you'll have to be patient... i pormise ill make it good!

ah yes, and now the tank is leaking. joy

.Christian

PS: bed bugs.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

-insert glib, repetitive, or rhyming title here-

Have you ever wanted to say something really interesting and intelligent, only to say "Fuckit... i'm going to sleep."?

Well, that's me.

Bed bugs. Kick. Foot. Sleepy sleep.

.Christian

PS: this in no way means that i have no interesting things to blog about - i just have a bad habit of chatting till my eyes hurt and then wanting nothing but sleep... sorry. Seriously, I'll blog for real tomorrow, OK? Don't lose faith in me!! :-)

Unerringly Uttering Uninterested Uck

Read the title of this page (not the blog, the PAGE) again, and insert immediately afterwards: "Like right now."

The completed sentence should read "even if i'm saying nothing at all... like right now."

I will allow you to use your own imagination as to my underlying meaning - which can, in all truthfulness and painful simplicity, be summed up with "even if i'm saying nothing at all... like right now."

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

A certain SOMEBODY kept me chatting for a few hours and well past my bed-time! Mustn't keep the bed bugs waiting you know!!

OK, i'm rambling incoherently. Though since that statement, in and of itself, gives no indication as to the difference between the current state of things and the norm, i should also say this:

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

Damnable repetition.

.Christian

Monday, August 18, 2003

Questioning Queries from Quarrelous Quills

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO COME INTO RADIOSHACK??

Seriously! And i quote: "Can i have a Clie SJ20?" "Sure, did you have any questions, or did you just want to buy one?" "No, if you've got one, i'll buy it." "OK, hold on a second while i get it." - 2 minutes later - "So what kind of warranty do you have on this?" "Well, just sony's warranty... but if you ever have a problem with it, we'd probably just handle it here at the store for ya, no problem." "Well, so do you offer an extended warranty?" "No, but if you want we'll just handle it here - we like to keep our customers happy." "Well, i want an extended warranty." "Well, i just don't have one available... but like i said we'll take care of you here ..." "OK, well..." " ... would you like me to ring you up?" "No, that's OK, never mind."

...

FUCK YOU YOU STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF DOG SHIT LICKING CUNT BAG CRACKWHORE MOTHER FUCKER!!!

...

"OK, well let me know if i can help you with anything else! :- )"

Jerkoff.

I apologize in retrospect to anyone reading this blog who is offended by profanity... hopefully you got the gist of the offending sentence well into the first word and skipped the rest entirely.

Seriously, why would you do that to someone? You tell them that you're going to buy something, demand an extended warranty that doesn't exist, and then, after wasting a half hour of their time, tell them you're no longer interested!

Let me give all of you people out there who have ever or will ever go to a store a little friendly advice: If you really care about karma, heaven, or just being a nice person for whatever reason - remember that salespeople are people too. Follow these guidelines (rules, jerky) and you'll be fine:

1) Remember that we are here to HELP you, not to SERVE you.
2) By entering into our store, you commit to an unspoken agreement that states the following:
a. you may be spoken to by another human being - one that works here.
b. you may be offered a gazillion random things that you may or may not want.
c. you may be asked to provide identification, and it's not necessarily because we're stalking you.
3) We don't have to be nice - we're not paid enough to be nice for the money - we do it to earn your respect and trust.
4) You don't owe us your trust, but you DO owe it to us to be nice back.
5) If I want a tease, I'll go to a strip show - be honest, be straightforward, and don't lead us on.
6) Say thank you back. No matter who you are, you owe us, if only for giving you your change back.

Following these guidelines should be easy, painless, and maybe even fun. Remember to think about how long that person has been standing around, helping people like you, and put yourself in their shoes. Doing all these things will make a HUGE difference in how you feel about shopping, how the people working at those stores feel about you, and most importantly, how they feel about THEMSELVES.

So anyways - Salutations to the Salespeople.

The aquarium is doing well, for anyone that wanted to know... even though it skirted with disatster last night when i realized that i had just uprooted every single living plant i have in there (3 species) completely and unmercilessly, it is now back to 'clear water' and looking more balanced and natural (as a tank with a miniature orange castle can get) as ever ... even better! I spread the plants out a little more, so that the entire tank is a little more spread out. Before it was like looking at "The Transfiguration of Narcissus" (title?) by Dali - where on one side of the pool is completely different from the other - I had the plants on one side, and the castle on the other. It was like going on safari in disney world, "OK folks, on your left we have the animal kingdom and ... oh yes! there's a lion eating an ugly bald man! And on this side we have the Magic Kingdom, and HOLY MOLY A GIANT FISH JUST SWAM THROUGH CINDERELLA'S CASTLE!!"

Oh, and added cool thing: I put the bubble wand in under the gravel, so the bubbles look a little less - well... i was gonna say fake, but it's a stream of bubbles issuing from a gravel bed in a tank.... hmmmm. Anyways, the COOL part is that the air is actually getting trapped under the bubbles at random intervals and travelling towards the front of the tank... thus issuing not from the expected place, but one several inches closer to the observer!! It's so COOL! It's like blowing down on the top of a pitcher of guiness just hard enough that the air goes under the foam, and comes back up on the other side!!!

OK, i'll admit i may be easily amused.

------------
|-=MAY=-|
------------

I think i should go pretty soon. Kim has her test tomorrow (THE test... the NCLEX test... wish her luck!) and i want to make sure that i'm a good supportive boyfriend.

(that and i just told her about this Blog thing, so she might read this... Brownie Points! ... wait... i have a feeling i shouldn't have said that... hmmm... ah well, it'll come to me)

I'm really happy with the aquarium btw. jsyk. itirfc. btw,tiabacij.

Jibberish? Maybe, i know ONE person that knows.... MWAH HAH HAH HAH AHHAH!!! (damn, i can never get further than the third HAH without a typo)

So just so you all know, i DO believe there are nice people out there who shop at RadioShack... i deal with a lot of them every day - it just seems like the ASSHOLES are the ones that make the most lasting impression... yknow?

So hey, did i tell you all that i really want to get into radio? i already have a few stations picked out that i might try to get an internship or something at.... i'll let you know how this all turns out! One of the people i work with actually told me that i would probably be good at that kind of thing... what do you think? DJ MACY.... heh heh. "Listen to Christian in the mornings... it's not just for sundays anymore!"

I can bet mom would LOOOOOOOOOOOVE that ;-)

Anyways, another bit of good news before i go - Ford found my title that the Illinois DMV (DuMassVoovooheads) sent to THEM instead of ME, and they are sending it next day - I should get it tomorrow! This means that - well, to make a long story short (TOO LATE) it means that my life is a LOT easier and happier now. YAY.

OK guys, i'm off to make sure Kim doesn't need any peptalking for her big day tomorrow, so good night, sleep tight, and yes, i want you to use your foot.

.Christian

PS: to all those that have been reading these silly blog things - Thank you... as any of you who know me will undoubtedly agree - it makes me happy to know that people are listening to me... even if i'm saying nothing at all.
PPS: ooh - i like that.... "even if i'm saying nothing at all..." That should be my new title for the Blog!!
PPPS: i'm changing it now - so all of you reading this will already know what my title is - this PS column was pointless.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Bubble Wands and Frumpy Fronds

mean that i have to fix my aquarium, and thus have no time to give a serious effort to blogging.

Except maybe to say YAY for new, interesting, exciting, fun, cool, AWESOME people.

.Christian

PS: and of course, bed bugs.

The Trouble with Trillian

Anyone who got that reference: You're too nerdy... stop watching Star Trek re-runs and start a nice warm fire with the books. (though if you are in AZ or some other desert region, i might not recommend it be outside... nerd)

So do any of the people reading this really believe that someone i don't know will read it? No, me neither. Seriously, why would someone do such a wacky thing? I mean hell, one of the reasons people write in these things is the faint yet glowing possibility that someone will read it and be like "Wow", but it won't be anyone we know, cause that might be embarrassing.

OK. Maybe that's not the big reason... but I'm tired, annoyed at Trillian (ding ding ding! all those who couldn't figure THAT one out - "Here's your sign.") and otherwise really have no desire whatsoever to form any kind of cognizant, let alone intelligent thought. All those who just asked "So what's new?" can bite me. In other words: urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. With an R.

So i wish i had something exciting or otherwise engaging or thought-provoking to say, but alas and alack, the most exciting news i have is that work sucked, MusicMatch Jukebox is cool (but a memory hog) and Trillian sucks. OH - and Brandie, though apparently nearly disintegrated by a lightning bolt, is still alive. It's OK if you don't get it - if more than 2 people, including me, knew what i was referencing, i would be a little worried about the security of my e-mail services... or i would be wondering just how much i had pissed off that person who is apparently stalking me. (silly person)

Have you ever listened to Tori Amos while writing a blog at 12:14 in the morning?

I have.

I should mention that my cat and puppy and fish are the cutest things in the world.

i wonder if i can post a picture to this blog thing.... hmmm.... i'll have to look into that.

So let me blog about something that upset me.

Nah... actually i don't really feel like doing that. That would be like ending the night on a sour note just because... and as billy joel would say in a slightly modified version of one of his songs: "That's not my style."

By the way, I should take this time to thank you all for the flattery of your attention. If you have read thus far, you either have too much free time, or you think i will actually be saying something important... either way - wow.

So guess what? Hi.

Oh, so Kim is gonna be going back to Chi-Town for like, TWO WEEKS on friday. I'm like: Ur? Don't get me wrong, it's not like i'm not cool with being alone out here, cause at this point i feel comfortable enough out here (and i know a whole, like TWO PEOPLE) that i'm not too worried about that. (seriously, that wasn't sarcasm) It's just that i don't know if that is such a smart move in terms of being homesick. It's like how they make people stay at boarding school, camp, or college (notice the order? don't ask, i don't know) for a while before they can go home. And i'm pretty sure that at this point camp counselor macy (scary thought huh?) should be saying "Sorry, no going home till later!" I'm not gonna do that though, her gramma is going into surgery on monday, and she wants to spend some more time with her... understandable but for the other week.

Wait a tick! This means i get 2 weeks of semi-bachelorhood!! Please ignore the preceding arguments against said trip ;-)

I think the first thing i'm going to do is (friends, relatives, and anyone who wants to retain their sanity please skip this sentence) sit around naked eating a bowl of raw meat, watching boxing and playing video games. These are manly things to do. I am being manly. Hear me roar. ... meow. (damn cat)

I'm thinking about getting one of those aeration systems for my tank - it would help promote a higher CO2 content in my water, encouraging the plants to grow and in the process increasing the aesthetic as well as practical values of the aquarium. Note: This is a small, insignificant, seven-gallon tank - and this was a random paragraph.

OK, well, i'm gonna hit the hay, right after i shoot out an email. Keep those bed bugs' heads ringin'! I'll catch you on the flip side, baby.

.Christian

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Love, Loss, Lament

For those of you who have not known me for at least 2 or more years, this will most likely be something you don't know. I'm not from here. Nor where you are. I am from myriad different places, and have grown all because of those in these 24some years.

But i will tell you all something very important.

Listen now - the part of my life which most defined who i am, and how i live my life, was in an 'upstate' town outside of New York City, where i resided most of my life ... or at least the longest. My last year before college. The last summer. But most importantly - the beginning of my life as i know it. Me, as you know me now. "I am. I was!"

I can't help but feel like i've managed to make myself a mystery to everyone that knows me. An enigma with a simple exterior. I don't know when i decided that i wouldnt let people in, but i do know that it was that aforementioned part of my life that began to blend who i am without, with who i am within.

WHO AM I?

The age old question that most people will be forced to ponder at least a few times in their lives. Is there really ever a simple answer? It's almost like talking about some abstract quantum physics equation, where theoretical A combined with hypothetical B equals as-yet-undiscovered C. I am me. I think, therefore i am. Even the oldest, most constantly expressed description of self - "I AM". JHWH. Blasphemy? The bible is one of the oldest written records of law and religious belief systems (old testament - Ta Biblos - IE not the NEW testament. That would not be the old one, and therefore NOT the set of books which are herein being referenced) which were, ultimately, created by people. People in search of answers. How do you describe the one thing more complex than all of existence? I am. Simple, effective, all encompassing.

I think the terri pratchett books talk about taking things apart too much. Why do we disect anything and everything around us when even in one of the most important books in modern Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, we are contented to describe our feelings and thoughts of God with 2 words?

Be yourself. I am. To thine own self be true. I am. Stop frontin'. I am.

So who am i? before i got onto this little diatribe about religion and it's outermost effects on our societal views as a whole, I believe i was saying something about an enigma. Who am i? Who is this I? Who is this person referred to as I? What being is this person referred to as I? What is the inner make up which is in this being which is this person referred to as I?

Some may get where i'm going with this. Break it down all you want, there are fifty words to choose from for every part of the sentence which used to be only 3 words long. An absolute existence is one which cannot be described (paradox anyone?) with any amount of words, or images. An absolute reality is one which even the human mind, if completely devoted to no other task, could not entirely grasp or comprehend.

Some say God is this absolute; or Brahma; or Nirvana; i say look in the mirror. Be yourself. I am.

The point of this essaie on the topic of absolutes and their relation to human beings is this: I don't know who i am... maybe never will. I believe that life is meant to be lived however you want to live it: in the past, present, future, or all three if you damn well please. Me, i'll throw in another place to live - Fairy Tale Land. A place where everyone has a happy ending can't be all that bad.

I guess to sum up: I am here where i am because of the past. I cannot go back - but i am already there. Give life a chance, and it will give you one in return. Save the Whales... etc. Life is full of so much doubt - but always know that I am. Or as Vertical Horizon might say - "We Are". Sometimes you want what you can't have. Sometimes you have what you don't want. Sometimes you have no clue about what you have or what you want. "Sometimes the snow comes down in June"

Live, love, laugh - if you can't do any of the above, visit Fairy Tale Land - See ya there. - or should i say "Catch you on the flip side, baby."

.Christian

PS: "oh sure, blame dee bat."
PPS: thought i'd forget about the bedbugs? THINK AGAIN! BUGS - BITE - KICK - FOOT! HA HA!
PPPS: we here at Random Thought apologize for the bedbugs... the writer of the PS above has been sacked. (well, that personality anyway)

Friday, August 15, 2003

Of Fish Fry and Felonious Farces

So i'm walking through the local Super Wal-Mart (i say local as if there weren't another one block in the OTHER direction) today, tonight actually, when i happen a glance at the fish they have flipflopping (reference there folks, for those of you who caught it) in their spacious if not WAYTHEHELLTOOILLKEPT tanks. It's somewhere after a tank of tetras that i notice a bottomfeeder (algae-eater) by himself towards the back.

Notice i called this fish a bottomfeeder. Do you know how hard it is to eat while lying on your side if you are a BOTTOM feeder? Can you imagine adding the fact that you are no longer breathing to that equation? Would you perhaps go so far as to speculate that your lifespan may at this point be able to be calculated in negative numbers?

OK fine, so they had a dead fish. Sure bottomfeeders are hard to kill, after all, they have a very discerning palate! (would you prefer the green algae topped with fish droppings? or the algae salad with fish poo mixed in for a tangy kick?) But we all know that shit happens. look at Flip... .

Or look at Lilly. She is most definitely proof that shit does not have to be housed in a puppy's body... it can materialize for no reason whatsoever 10 feet from where you have been watching said pup, and in quantities which would instantly negate any further investigation into the matter as they are twice the size of the body which is said to have contained them. If there are miles of intestine in the average mammal, Lilly is most certainly using her body to the fullest.

Enough of that.

Back to the fish - Fuck you Wal-Mart. After i got to the third or fourth tank with dead fish in them, i finally found one where there were no dead fish ... just a few on the verge. Fins laid back, floating vertically... you know the type. I think that was what got me the worst. It was a Black Moor - the same kind as my Othello. It was really sad to see a creature living it's life in a crowded cell with no care and it's only "masters" obviously ignoring his health, and that of the other fish around him.

I know it seems silly to get upset about something like that... you should have seen me when i found out why Flip died - i swear, if this were oldschool japan, me and hari kari would have gotten to know each other pretty well because of that betrayal of trust and lack of care which resulted in a most likely fairly painful and suffering death.

Anyways... on a lighter note: Have you ever seen those DVD players at Wal-Mart or RadioShack called Go-Video? It's actually a good brand, cheap but well made. You know who walked into my store and asked for my help and got sold a bunch a stuff he didn't come in for?

The CEO of Go-Video. That was cool.

Otherwise the day was pretty blah. I got a fun e-mail from Brandie, (who is, btw, the greatest flatterer ever) and got offered some work-from-home job (yay... really, yay...) and got to meet one of the brothers from this area! YAY! I did, however, recieve in the mail my "Lienholder's Release" letter, which should help resolve the matter of the car title and registration. ... This is, btw, like trying to cut down a tree by running around it in a Tu-Tu. Very Quickly.

BTW... do you know how awesome of a parallel parker i am? I do.

Oh, and that blackout thing, while not cool, was kinda cool.

Well folks - i apologize for this being such a blah blog, but i am mui tired, and would like very much to go sleepysleep now.

... OH! And be on the lookout for a new blog column coming soon from the Hollander. Highland attitude, Holland shoes. The Hollander - coming soon to a sword shop near you.... unless they're too expensive, in which case he'll just settle for a set of Ginsu knives from JCPenny.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and remember to kick with the FOOT. Kicking with your hand, while moderately more effective, is often considered a punch - this therefore invalidates any entries into the KICH WITH THE FOOT contest. Sorry, try again later.

Remember, foot.

.Christian

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Hello and howdy sports fans! I guess i just saw so many of my friends (namely the 'Chelles) doing this that I just couldn't resist!! Yes, yes... I am completely aware of the lemmingesque ramifications of this deed - but I assure you that if my friends jumped off a bridge, I would most certainly not follow! ... well, at least until I got bored. ... ten minutes later.

So wow... a blog... what should i write? I guess i should start by saying that i hate capitalizing my "i"s in typed conversation. It's one letter - it by no means deserves so much attention and care that i have to reach my pinky finger aaaaaaall the way over to the shift key just to satisfy some grammatical rule invented by a man with no hair. ... well maybe he had hair, but that's beyond the scope of this argument.

I think that as this blogging (verb?) is a direct result of my compadres (ettes i think) from P-Town, i should dedicate this beginning - indeed a veritable bloggining... to my beautiful, darling, extremely entertaining 'Chelles. WHO, incidentally, have some of the most depressing blogs i have ever seen! I hope you don't expect that HERE! If i were to be morosely depressed, i would most certainly not tell you about it! That would negate my ability to charge you with "being ignorant of my obviously upset feelings" and certainly my right to say "you don't even care! Just go away!" at any point in random time!

Of course i speak not of anyone i know - I simply wish to relate what incredible lessons you learn while living with someone of the opposite sex. ... That would be a girl for all you idiots. Of course, it occurs to me that if you couldn't figure that one out, you have no idea what i'm talking about, and so the jest went straight over your head, and out the window. What a shame.

SO. I guess to finish this absurdly pointless blog, i should tell you all something i have as yet not mentioned: As Darryl Whorly (sp?) said, but pluralized - "I miss my friends."

I want to take this opportunity to also say a few more things.

1) I hate my old bank, and everything that they stand for... or crawl for... on their stomaches. (that's a snake reference - biblical if you will. i AM a religious studies BS degree holder)

2) Schwarzenneger? Governor? California? Shotgun?

3) It occurs to me that though life is a series of transitions, constantly in transition, (redundancy = redundancy??) and it is highly unlikely that any of us could spend our entire lives with the same friends, in the same place, forever, (perhaps not so much the latter as the former) this past summer taught me something that will be with me for a long time. (whew! now THAT was a sentence that enjoyed running on!)

That lesson (to break up the paragraph) is this: Carpe Diem. I knew that i would have to leave just a short month or so after i called the Michelles - but i did it anyway, and they filled my life with such joy and laughter (not to mention D-Rama) that i can scarce imagine what my life was like prior to the day we all went to see Bruce Almighty. Watching AI last night (again x3) gave me some insight i had previously not had. (thus, it gave me the insight... redundant again?)

"Come away o human child to the waters of the wild, with a fairy hand in hand - For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand."

If it were not for fairies like Michelle and Sheli, life would be a lonesome, dreary, lifeless place to exist.

Thank you for your friendship - you are angels of a higher order than ever imagined by any man or child on earth.

And so, to finish this blog in a sort of nostalgic mirth and sadness, (call me a walking contradiction) Thank you to all of the people that I have gotten to know over the years... and i mean ALL of you. You have all contributed to where I'm going, and where I've been, but most importantly - you have contributed to where i am now. That, to me, is the greatest gift i could ever ask for.

I am alive; I am happy; I am writing a long, pointless blog.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and for God's sake, if the bedbugs bite, kick 'em! Kick 'em with your foot!

.Christian