Tuesday, December 30, 2003

So what up?

So i've been cleaning my office and trying to get ready for school - and lemme tell ya, i'm findin stuff in here that i really had no idea even existed. Like, pens and pencils and stuff... oh, and thumbtacks... yeah those hurt a little in the discovering.

So now Oberon's sittin on my desk with his head in front of the monitor. What did i just type? i dunno, lemme ask the back of the friggin cat's head! Seriously, if telling him about the difference between a window and a door would make a lick a difference, i just might. Oh what the hell, why not ... brb.

Hey, it worked. Heh heh - just call me Prot.

So New Year's... wow - couldn't a seen that one coming from a year away. I have no clue what we're gonna be doing to celebrate. I thought that Kim was gonna go to Chicago, but it turns out she's stayin here, so we're tryin ta figure out what the hell we're gonna do. We might just do a dinner thing - which sounds nice enough :-)

I've been doing OK with the whole IT consulting thing, BTW. It just sort of popped out of nowhere without much assistance from yours truly, and now the client i acquired about a month ago just recommended me to one of her friends, not to mention that i was working for her husband as well. I don't charge much, but it feels good to get paid a little somethin somethin, yknow?

So anyways, in closing i want to say 2 things - one is that i really miss all y'all, especially when i think about all the walks, talks, and ::ahem:: parties.... Two is that i just heard that one of my old (ex?) friends is engaged! Apparently Nic and Liz have finally decided to get hitched, so howzabout everybody give em their best wishes! Everyone deserves to have a happy, healthy life with someone they love!

Aright, that's enough for now... i need to get back to pretending that i'm productive. Catch ya on the flip side, baby!

.Christian

PS: i know it's the middle of the day - but kick them bed bugs anyway.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Time and cookies.

Today's Hollander is a huge deviation from the original direction of the blog - though that's what i was kind of hoping for. I wanted a diverse set of stories from one immense life... i guess I should say it's coming together nicely.

BTW, i have not lost my mind.

Yet.

Or again, depending on who you talk to.

I'm going to go to sleep, wake up, and do myriad useful chores and duties. And sing. Because why not?

.Christian

PS: flip side, bed bugs.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Yo, yo.

Just wanted to drop y'all (heh heh, there's that illinois comin through) a quick note just in case i forget before the holidays... HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HAPPY NEW YEAR! WHO'S YER DADDY! ... wait ... i think that last may have been misplaced. Ah well, you get the gist.

Just a brief summary of events and general sentiment for this week:

Monday: Applied to T-Bird, stressed.

Tuesday: Got into T-Bird and celebrated with some good friends, elated - almost as good as saturday.

Wednesday: Busy with little stuff, imagine my smiling face - now take the smile away.

Thursday: Found out that there have been health problems with George (stepdad), take yesterday's face and distort it with one of those Fun House mirrors... voila.

Friday: Just finished an email to Maura after finding out things are great with her; found out that george can come home for christmas; wrote a blog, life is good.

Preview of Saturday: LAST DAY AT RADIOSHACK!! WHOS YER DADDY?! (see, told you it was misplaced)

Well folks, i'm outta here for now - catch ya on the flip side, baby.

.Christian

PS: don't forget to kick them bed bugs tonight, k?

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Just thought i'd let y'all know

that as of January 18th, i will officially be a student at Thunderbird. American Graduate School of International Management. Just so you know.

.Christian

PS: YEEEEEE FRIGGIN HAAAAAAW!!

Monday, December 15, 2003

What's done is done.

And it's all done. I have officially turned in my application to Thunderbird, complete with two essays and a resume. Let's see what happens.... yeah i'm nervous, but not really - after all, what's done is done.

.Christian

PS: flip side, bed bugs, you know the drill.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

I WIN!

98TH PERCENTILE IN VERBAL!!

Do you know what that means?

I WIN!

Sure my math score could have been better, but WHO CARES?! I never said i was going to be an accountant!

I don't think that today could have been any better - I got a 590 (20 higher than the T-Bird avg.) on my GMAT, then my mom told me that George might just be sick from some hottub bacteria thing, then i saw a sign for DQ and decided to get a Blizzard, but stopped to get a Double Whopper with cheese on the way, then on the exit ramp for DQ i saw this guy with a sign that said "Homeless Hippie, please help. -May God bless all." I felt bad but chalked it up to the old "Too many to help everyone" excuse and went on to DQ. When i got there i got a blizzard and decided that maybe i should buy the guy something, like maybe another blizzard - But after i decided not to, i saw one of those "Drop a coin in the cup and win something" displays, and you could win a Blizzard - so i said to myself "I'll drop a few quarters in, and if i win, i'll give him the Blizzard!" When i reached into my pocket though, i only had one quarter - pretty bad odds. I dropped it in anyways and it ricocheted off the back - and into the cup! So i asked for exactly the same thing i'd gotten and went on my merry way. I stopped on the overpass in the shoulder with my hazards on, decided to grab a fiver out of my wallet, and walked over to the guy. "So, i won this at Dairy Queen and figured I'd give it to you... I don't know if you like Heath and Reese's, but, if you don't..." and handed him the cup and the money. The funniest thing is that i can't remember just what he said - i think it was "Thanks man," or "sir" or "dude", but i remember the way he said it made me think he had a southern accent, and i said "No problem, enjoy it!" or something like that. I walked back to my car and turned back to see him happily wolfing down his blizzard. I think it was the image right before i stopped in the lane to get back on the freeway that burned in my head, and that was him with his hand held straight out, giving me a peace sign. I beeped my horn and flashed one back to him before he disappeared behind the freeway on-ramp sign. The song that was playing was "Remedy (I won't Worry)" by Jason Mraz - one of the lines was "because it all amount to nothing in the end."

So to recap:

Great score on the GMAT
Great news about George
Great Double Whopper w/Cheese (no onion)
Great Blizzard
Great feeling helping someone
Great drive home
GREAT DAY

I think today was better for me than most people have in their entire lives - it was the kind of day where you think: I could die right now, and i would have had all the happiness i could ever want in this life.

If the world were full of days like today, there would be no war, hunger, anger or sadness.

.Christian

PS: now let's all go get shitfaced!!

Friday, December 12, 2003

The time has come...

to steal someone else's opening line - to travel to Tucson - to take the GMAT.

As Yoda once said: "You will be." (btw, he means 'afraid')

Well, i'm not gonna take a huge amount of time telling you guys this:

I'm leaving tonight to go to Tucson to find a shitty motel to bunk up in for the night so that tomorrow morning i can take the GMAT at eight-thirty in the morning and hopefully get a score that will be much higher than the ones i have been recieving on my practice tests.

And maybe write a run-on sentence or two.

I just have to remember to take my time, yknow? I think if i do that i'll be OK. I just took one of the problem solving practice tests (my weakest subject) and i think that if it weren't for me running out of time (remember the "time per question" fiasco i discussed in the last blog?) i would have gotten most of the questions right. I got 1-9 all right, no errors. Once i hit nine though, i saw my time dwindling and freaked out. I DEFINITELY have to take my time on the Verbal though - i'm always finishing about a .5n (where n is the total time) too soon.

Anyways - gots ta get trippin'. (heh heh)
Wish me luck, pray for me, sacrifice a goat, whatever.

Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

.Christian

PS: KTMFBB for me, cause i'll be studyin till i retire tonight.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

GMAT sucks a rat.

So how in the hell is it possible that i can manage to START at a 560 - go through the whole Kaplan review course - AND END UP AT A 500?!!?!?!?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

I just don't get it. I think maybe i just rushed everything - cause when you're doing the kaplan thing, they give you like, 25 minutes to do 16 questions. When you do the GMAT, it's 75 minutes to do 37. let's do a little quick math here, k? what's the ratio of questions to minutes with kaplan?

16:25

and GMAT?

37:75

now let's reduce, shall we? cause i'm getting SO good at THAT!

37/2 = 18.5 and 75/2 = 37.5

what's that you say? that's 18.5:37.5? You mean TEN FUCKING MINUTES MORE?!

seriously. what the hell?

i just need to know
MISTER FUCKING KAPLAN METHOD
what the HELL is wrong with LETTING ME PRACTICE WITH A LITTLE MORE TIME?! Maybe, oh heck i dunno, let's say ANYWHERE NEAR THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME I GET FOR THE REAL FUCKING THING?! ... just checking.

God this is frustrating. I'm exhausted from all this studying, and tomorrow i get to do it all over again! 3 TIMES!

well, at least it'll be good to finally know what to expect. I don't know if this program even scored my essay, yknow? and that's like, half the thing! Maybe i just scored really low, but it didn't tell me what i got, it just told me what it thought i SHOULD have typed, which is just some pre-written fuckermudder.

::sigh:: ... fuckin fuckers.

You know, i still have two essays to write for thunderbird - then send in the application through their online system, then hand it in for real just so they can match a face with the name, then blah blah blah blah blah. At least it will be over by this monday, i just wish i had some more time, yknow?

wow

this saturday is just totally gonna suck.

...

wow.

I have really pretty fish, btw. Seriously.

well folks - i think i'm gonna go to sleep soon... well... now actually. then ill just wake up tomorrow morning and start studying! yay! lather, rinse, and fucking repeat.

.Christian

PS: ktbb and catch that flipside
PPS: , baby.

Monday, December 8, 2003

Been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

I apologize in advance for the anger contained within the words, letters, indeed mere keypresses which make up this blog.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckinfuckfuckittyduckittyfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

ur.

That feels mildly better. Sorry bout the fuckin' "fuck"s.

Let me start with a non-sore topic: I went to blog about a week ago but the site wouldn't load on my computer. Thought you should know.

So, the reason i'm upset:

Kim and I argued about little shit all day -

hmm.

I should preface this by saying that we kindamaybebasicallyreallygot back together. Bout a week ago. Anniversary. Does it every time.

where was i?

hmmm, where am i ANY time kim is in the blog?

oh yeah: Arguing about little shit all day.

Come time for her to go to work, she asks me if i can drop her off. I in turn ask her if she could just take the car and drive herself to work.

Have i mentioned that her hospital is about 10 to 15 minutes each way? To be sure, no big deal, but let me ask you something. What is 730 (the latest she gets off work) minus 15? 715, right?

715.

do you know what time i work? at the earliest?

9.

i get up at 8.

on good days.

days when i don't have to wake up FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES EARLY.

Now i have no problem with this when i need the car later that night, but doesn't it seem like it would make more sense if... oh.... say KIM took the car to work and back?

So let's go back:

"I in turn ask her if she could just take the car and drive herself to work."

She says no.

No?

No.

Why not?

"I don't know where to park."

i think this portion of the blog should be enough to explain why i started on the tumbling, dark road of anger and disillusionment.

"You've been working there a month and you don't know where to park?"

"I'll ask tonight."

"Could you call to find out?"

"I'll wait till i get there then ask someone."

Omitions have been made from both sides here - but you get the gist.

Phone rings - "It's your GIRLFRIEND." - argument ensues.

I have friends. These friends are girls. Cut it any way you like to - justify the jealousy and lack of trust with any pretty words or complex ideas that you want to, but ultimately it all comes down to this:

"I have friends. These friends are girls."

I will no longer dignify these hints at my lack of morality - these suggestions of depravity - allusions to an adulterous nature which, quite simply, does not exist - with a response of any kind, nor will i tolerate them.

=== phone rings, 5 minutes pass ===

I just got off the phone with kim, and i feel like shit. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world for wanting to, in the words of her favorite show "Start Over". But that's how i feel. I think that the end of our conversation summarized it quite succinctly: She asked me if i just wanted her to move back, and if i just hadn't been able to tell her so - i responded by telling her that I am willing to go to any lengths necessary to make the arguments stop. I told her that all i want is to be happy, safe, and secure in the relationship. She suggested that i don't feel any of those things with our relationship. I didn't answer. She said she had to go and hung up.

I feel like i should be mincing words, leaving out details, 'forgetting' a few things - but i'm too upset, the wound is too fresh, and bluntly: this is why i have a blog.

I don't know what to do. When things are good, they're great. When they're bad, they're horrible. I know what i would tell myself if i were someone else. Easier said than done, right? Damnit.

On top of that, i have to study.
Write an essay.
Write another.

And feed the animals. Damn. Forgot about that.

KTBB.

.Christian