Monday, February 9, 2004

So guess what?

I'm alive!

Yeah i know it seems like i just dropped off the face of the planet - but if you could hear the conversations around me right now, the "No no, put the positive number into the Debit column of the Cash T-Account and balance it with a positive Credit to the Notes Payable" would give you a pretty good idea of what i've been doing.

So the inevitable discussion topic arises: how's business school and what am i doing? Well, the answer is really pretty simple: tough and a lot. It seems like they have officially mastered the tradition of duping you into thinking that you might actually do pretty well, and they jumping you with a can of mace with "Accounting" and "Marketing Stategy" written down the side. My only hope is that this year will pass by as quickly as these last few weeks have done, and that i'll somehow survive the barrage of information that i am expected to remember after i graduate.

Is it worth it? I think so, but the most important thing that i have to remember is that no matter how much information i get, or how valid it is, you have to be able and willing to apply it later on in an effective manner to get a good, worthwhile job that might make you happy for a good portion of your life.

I'll tell you one thing though - the people here surprise me at almost every turn. I never really saw myself getting along with business students, y'know? Maybe it was the theater student in me that came up with all these horrible ideas about "the suits", but i can really say that they're not as fanatical (on the whole) as I may have originally convinced myself. The only issue i have with the group as a whole is the fact that they remind me of all the people i knew in New York City, where the motto is "Avoid eye contact and walk fast." It's so wierd! Argh! I never know if i'm actually liked or appreciated or if it's just this passive thing where they really couldn't care less. I think that for the most part i do it to myself though - i read into almost every action as if it could convey this deep meaning that the other person usually would never even have imagined!

Here's a general rule: If ya wanna be happy, shut that internal voice of yours up and deal with reality. I like it here - it's challenging me in a lot of ways that i couldn't have imagined just a month or two ago. By the same token, it's also helping me to accept people for who they are, no matter what, something i always thought i was oh, so good at. I don't know if i'll ever be able to conform to the general crowd here - hell i don't think i would want to! I like being in-between. Having that Mid-West attitude about life. Granted not everyone in the Mid-West is the sweetest, most understanding person you'll meet, but on the whole they are more relaxed and accepting - not necessarily of the world, but of life... sometimes you have to work on your insides more that your outsides.

I gotta say something though - i don't think i've ever felt so dumb. No i'm not fishing for compliments and no i don't want a resounding "Aw..." This is my Blog, and as i've mentioned before, it's mostly for me to vent than anything, if i wanted to see or hear people's reactions to said venting, i'd talk to them straight out.

So anyways, "never felt so dumb." On that, i'd like to elaborate. I'm sitting at a small, woody, wobbly table writing a blog with a water on one side and a case study packet on the other. To my left, two of the same square tables are joined up to mine, and four people are sitting discussing the economic situations in india, china, and mexico, and how they relate to the US. One has worked for CitiGroup, the others all have similar backgrounds. These people know the world in the exact opposite way that i've come to know it. How am i supposed to deal with that? Any way i can i guess. It's hard though, to accept that life has been flipped. I used to be the guy that everyone knew - the guy that always had one more ace up his sleeve to shock his audience. I may still have those aces, but the feeling that noone here would really care is a dominant force in my world here.

Humility is a lesson i have always deluded myself into believing that i had learned. The truth is that every day i learn a little more about how to blend, watch, listen, and grow from the people around me. Everyone has quite a few qualities that i could spend a lot of time learning from. One person in particular seems to mirror my own outlooks on life - but the question to me sometimes is if that mirroring makes us more similar, or more disparate. I can't help but feel that if i studied this person to the utmost degree, i might find the solution to my life. Vague? Now you know how i feel. If you think about it, it makes sense that people are always "finding" themselves in someone else. They're just conveniently falling in love with those people. I'm of the belief that i could learn a lot from every person i meet, and that in every person's life is the ultimate solution to someone else's problem.

::Sigh:: Before i start waxing philosophical i should really get going. I guess that if i were to sum up my whole experience thus far, it would be like this: I'm learning a lot about business, humanity, and myself - let's see if i can figure out how to apply it later ;-)


PS: Tonight, kick those bed bugs for me - since i've been getting an average of 5 and a half hours of sleep each night, i haven't had the chance to really get em. So kick them. Kick them with your foot. Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

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