Tuesday, July 13, 2004

You're too down on yourself.

That's what someone told me not to long ago regarding this blog page. Since said person will likely never happen upon this page again, i feel it safe to say the following in response: If i wasn't down on myself, and wishing to express it, why the hell would i be writing this blog?? I mean really folks, who writes blogs or journals or whatever the fuck else because they want to keep people INFORMED?

I'll tell you what it's really for - and since you're the one who chose to read this you'll have to bear the circumstances like a real chihuahua. (real 'man' might be un-pc) The fact is that almost all the blogs out there are a forum for venting and approval. Venting because you want to get out whatever feelings you usually repress, and approval because deep down you want to know that you are justified in feeling the way you feel... that OTHERS would feel the same way given the same situation.

Fuckit. Take away the generalizations and the stereotypes - let's talk about me. I write this blog because i need to feel like i can say things i might not normally say. You know what the problem is with that? The people who read this are all people who know me, or want to get to know more about me... not people who know nothing and wish to know nothing more than what i write. How can you say what you feel that you normally hold in so as to not hurt anyone if those selfsame people are the only ones who are reading it?? So what's it safe to write about? School? Nope. Home? Nope. The asshole that pissed you off? Don't think so. The bitch who failed you? How bout no.

See? That's the perfect example. Bitch who failed me. Bet you're all wondering who it was, huh? Wondering if she really did it? Thinking "but wait, everyone was supposed to have passed" or maybe "He failed a class? Which one?" Noone is reading this saying "i have no fucking clue what's going on." That's a problem i think. I think i got caught up, started spreading the fucking link around, and forgot what that would probably do, or maybe even hoped that it would. Ever say something and wish someone would find out so they would know how you had felt that whole time? ... well me neither ...

Seriously though, why write this at all? It seems like the only reason to write a blog anymore is to try to convince myself that what i think and want should be important to more people than just me, and that's just a fallacy no matter how you look at it... y'know?

Sigh. I guess now that i've officially turned this blog into a public place, it's lost its meaning and worth - how can you blog when you know that you might as well say it out loud?

Anyways, i gotta get to sleep, catch some z's before my 3 hr 945 class tomorrow. Buenos Nachos? Si.


PS: Kick those damn bedbugs for me.

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