Cute and Cuddly Kids

I think that one of the nicest things about working with young kids is that you really feel like they listen to you as if you know what you're talking about. As we get older, maybe we get more cynical, maybe we get more self-conscious... maybe we just get more self-absorbed.

Either way, i have to say that working with the young children of the 4th grade is one of my great delights here. They're unabashedly open and inquisitive, don't get frustrated with an inability to communicate, and well ... they're just so darned cute!

When i was leaving the school today there were three of the kids from the 4th grade outside talking. They must have seen me leaving through the window, because as soon as i got outside they yelled "Chris!" (I was introduced as Chris, so it stuck) One of the girls ran up and gave me a hug and they all started talking and asking questions.

We talked (ok ok, i mostly said "i don't understand" and THEY talked) for a little while, and then played a little with the snow and chased each other around. Then i tried to leave. I say tried because this proved difficult!

The little girl who came to give me a hug has fairly recently been orphaned, and she's being taked care of by her babushka - her grandmother. (I always thought that was just a cute name for "granny!") So she's very grabby and clingy with me - maybe because i indulge her and don't yell at her like maybe i should. The problem is that 1) i let kids get away with murder, and 2) i would have no idea what to say in Russian. I mean, "Stop" is pretty universal, but how do you soften the blow? I'm not one to hurt a kid's feelings because i'd rather go home than sit and chat.

So anyways, it was difficult prying her off of me, but with the help of the other two kids they all went to her house and i went off to my own.

I really wish i'd taken a picture, but the mental image i'll always have in my head (i hope) of those three kids is way better than any picture would be.

I started thinking today about coming back to Izhevsk to teach again. But at the same time, i think it's easier to come back to the same thing than it is to find something new. There are kids all over the world that need help - need guidance and a rolemodel.

Maybe i can't be either of those things, but i'm sure as hell gonna have to try as soon as LuAnne and i have kids of our own.

It's not that i'm considering being a teacher (any more than i have in the past) but i can't help acknowledging that it's something i think i'd like to do, and something i think i'd be good at. ... well ... eventually. No one starts off as a good teacher, and i'm certainly not under the impression that i'd be breaking that mold.

But still ... i do wonder. The really tough part, i think, is what do you do when you love to do so much? You can't change jobs as frequently as you change your mind, y'know? The real problem is how do you reconcile those feelings? I know that i do my job well, and that i really enjoy it. But what about fulfillment? What about at the end of the road, when i look back? Will i be proud to say "My name was Christian M. Macy. I was a good problem solver for a large corporation. I raised my kids and supported my family by ensuring that product was purchased low and sold high and that the trucks always kept moving."

I don't want that to be my legacy. I think that even though none of us deserve or get a movie-script ending, we at least deserve a plot that keeps people rivited enough to not answer their phone in the theater.

If i will not become the greatest of men to the world, let me still become the greatest of men to myself.

--insert w00talicious title here--

So i haven't posted in a few days ... let me catch you up!

It snowed for two days straight (Thursday and Friday) and then on Saturday it warmed back up to 0c (32f) and all the snow started melting again. In fact, as i look outside right now it's almost all gone :-(

Ah well, this gives me a chance to take some pictures without snow so that y'all can get an idea of what Izhevsk might look like in the fall instead of the winter :-D

Pretty soon i think we'll be heading out to go to Irina's family's place, btw, so this might be a short blog.

So yeah, let's see ... on Thursday night i got to hang out with Ivan, who i met through the volunteer whose enthusiasm about the program inspired me to choose the Svezhy Veter program over the other volunteer programs i found on the interwebs.

We started off at a place called the "Reading Room", which is an "Irish pub" right off the central square. I don't know why i'm putting "Irish pub" in quotes, when even in the US all i've ever been to is "Irish pubs". Maybe some day i'll go to Ireland and i can go to an actual Irish pub.

So then we went to a bar that i think is called "Friday's" or "Friday", but i'm not sure. It was pretty good - I had a good time and tried a couple of beers throughout the night. I also got to meet Oleg, who's a pretty cool cat. The only problem is that he speaks very little English, and as you may have ascertained, i speak very little Russian. But it's amazing what alcohol and pantomiming can do. :-D

So then on Friday, Ivan and i tried to go to a discotheque (at like, MIDNIGHT) and we got turned away. Apparently they have "face police" who won't let you in if they don't like the way you look/smell/talk/whatever. So ... i'm pretty sure it was me that they didn't like. Whatevs :-) So then we decided to just head to Friday's, where we'd ended up on Thursday night.

IT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT. The music was THUMPING and there were folks all getting down on the dancefloor. Also, there were topless girls dancing on the stage. This was not a strip club, it was a bar. Just a bar. And there were topless girls. For the life of me, i can't figure out why more American college boys don't try to come to Russia for Spring Break :-D

So that was pretty fun, but the highlight of the night was definitely when i had Absinthe. Yes, Absinthe. I may not know how to spell it, but i now know how to drink it. The guy put it in a cognac glass and LIT IT ON FIRE. After it had warmed up sufficiently, he cupped the glass to put it out, emptied the drink into another glass, then flipped the original glass upside down with a straw sticking out of it.

So what i had to do was drink the Absinthe, then breathe through the straw. This was difficult. Very difficult. It was like trying to breathe ... well ... fire. Freaking fire. But i managed after a bit. It didn't really hit me very hard, and i'd already had a few drinks, so i guess maybe it's just an experience thing. But either way it was pretty neato :-)

So then yesterday we went to the Kalashnikov Museum. I took plenty of pictures, so head over to the picture site when you get a chance. The cathedral is just outside and it looked absolutely amazing at night. The museum itself was pretty interesting, especially since there was also an exhibit on life during the Czarist period.

OK, so i think i've given you enough fun. Oh, but one last thing - there was totally a firing range inside the basement of the museum. I mean, it IS a gun museum, so that makes sense :-D

OK, gtg. C ya l8r allig8tr.

Listening to the piano do its thing...

Irina is practicing on the piano, and i have to tell you it sounds really amazing. I had forgotten how much i could enjoy the sound of the piano. I'm trying to figure out if i know how to say "Please keep playing." :-)

Not a big post today. Things have been going well. I went to the theater yesterday with Tatiana, Irina, and a bunch of the students. We watched a musical about a group of people where the women got tired of the men drinking all day and them having to cook and clean, so they up and left. The men of course tried to do the work, but failed miserably. Then they find them and apologize and everyone is happy ... Hollywood ending :-D

Classes have been going well. I am really just working with Tatiana and helping in whatever way she asks ... like a teacher's assistant, basically. I go into the hallway with the kids and work with them on different stuff. Some of the kids i've worked with are really bright, and are really interested in learning English. (though the reasons vary)

So now i'm blogging, listening to Irina play (hoping she doesn't stop) the piano, and trying to get Rosetta Stone in English for Sergei. Maybe i can find a way to get it to all the other kids too. This would really be a great tool for them to use, but i'm sure it's way too expensive to make it part of the curriculum. Maybe i should ask Rosetta about that. I mean, educational institutions in the US are one thing, but in Russia, i'm finding out that they're quite another.

BTW, the food is awesome. Especially this "vinaigrette" thing. (think i talked about it before, but if not it's like, potatoes, beets, cucumber, all chopped up)

Wow. I am currently hearing the best version of "Fragile" by Sting that i have ever heard - on the piano. It just sounds so beautiful ... a little more uppity than the original, but more complex as well.

OK, well i guess that'll do it. I really need to try to find some time to be able to listen to my Russian lessons. OH, and so i still don't have a SIM card, but i will tomorrow. (i can feel it in my bones!) This weekend, Irina has invited me to go to her parents' house. Her mother was at the theater, and we walked with her for a little while after the show. I guess she didn't think badly of me, because after Irina, Sergei, and i got home, Irina said that I'm invited to go.

I haven't had a chance to talk to any of the people i'd talked to on the internet here in Izhevsk, so it kinda works out. Maybe next weekend there will actually be snow and i can try to go skiing :-) (right now there is no snow, btw, just rain. Apparently there usually is, but last winter and this one have been warm, so just rain)

As for the whole "cold" thing? Well, like i said, i guess it's been pretty "warm", but it's definitely nothing i can't handle.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways. I guess i'll sign off for now. Lata flava :-D

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that i've updated my Google Map, so check it out :-D

First day on the job.

So i just got back to the apartment from my first day "on the job" at the school. Irina and I walked over to the school, where I met Tatiana P. in the Svezhy Veter office. She is the young lady who set up this whole trip for me. Tatiana P. then took me to meet the other Tatiana (teacher) who will be working with me.

We started with a class of 11th graders, who all spoke English fairly well. Everyone got a chance to ask me a question after Tatiana introduced me. I sat with 5 of them during group exercises (and Tatiana with the other kids) and we went through an exercise in their language book on trips. After everyone had talked about what trips they gone on, etc, the class was pretty much over. I really don't know how much of what i was saying they understood, but everyone was really nice :-D

After that i hung out in the classroom for a little while until one of the students could come back and give me a quick tour of the school building. I had a quick lunch in the cafeteria (not very hungry cause i had a big breakfast) and we headed back up to the classroom, where we talked until Tatiana got back. I think the girl's name is Anna, and she's very nice :-) She also has a discussion group that meets every Thursday and watches movies in English, etc. I'll be joining them this Thursday, of course :-)

The next class was 7th grade, so they didn't really speak a lot of English. I was trying to remember how much French i knew in 7th grade, and what things i could say that they should be able to understand, but i think they ended up understanding about as much of what i was saying as i seem to understand whenever someone talks to me in Russian. I worked with 4 of them on sentences that they had to make up on the fly and tell me about their vacations. (they just had a break) I then had to grade them. I think any of you who know me probably know how well that went. Tatiana asked me to grade the students to their faces, actually, which was very hard for me. I would, of course, have liked to give them all a 5 (which is 100) but i didn't think Tatiana would be too happy.

One of the really interesting cultural differences is how everyone tells me that here in Russia, it is better to be blunt. Which is a pretty stark contrast to my quasi-Latin American upbringing. (where "maybe" = "no" because "no" may be rude)

Another interesting thing is about introductions. No one's really been all like "Hi, my name is." It's hard to explain, but in the US we really introduce ourselves like, right off the bat. Even if it's just a five minute thing, y'know? I mean, maybe i'm crazy, but i feel like even though i won't remember their name, it's kind of awkward if i don't introduce myself to someone that i'm going to have any kind of conversation with. Of course i may just be jumping to conclusions, but i figure i'll call things out before i get de-sensitized.

People say "so" a lot. Not in English, of course - in Russian the word is "tak". But it's said a lot ... like if you finish something you're doing, you probably say "OK", right? Well here, they say "tak". If there is one word that i will DEFINITELY remember forever, it's "tak".

Sergei plays piano very well for a 12 year old, btw. Irina teaches music at a music school, so i guess it makes sense that she would also teach her son, but she really has done a WONDERFUL job of it! They have a piano here in the apartment, and so i had the great pleasure of hearing him practice last night. I'm sure there were mistakes, but they weren't anything I could notice!

So yeah, maybe if i make a concentrated effort to help Sergei (and maybe Irina, too!) with English, it will make my presence here a little less of a burden on them.

Plus, i know that when i was learning French it would have been a great help to have a French person living in our house and teaching me. (of course, i would have preferred a female of the 25 year old sexalicious persuasion over the 29 year old married dude)

Oh, and tomorrow we're going to either an Opera or a Musical ... we haven't really nailed that one down. Tatiana said both when describing it, so i'm not sure. Either way it works out to the same, though ... i've never been able to understand what they're saying in Opera :-P

OK, well, i was going to head out to explore, but it's getting dark. I think ... oh ... wow ... never mind "getting" ... it IS dark. OK, well ... exploring tomorrow, then :-D

Tak, catch ya on the flip side :-D

First Post from Russia

So I made it through 16 hours on a plane, 18 hours in a train, and finished it off with a few minutes in an automobile :-)

I'm alive and well here in Izhevsk, and i've been chatting with and getting to know my host family. I should probably mention that my inability to really speak much (OK, *any*) Russian has obviously gotten in the way.

I've managed to survive fairly well so far, but i'm feeling like a big inconvenience to Irina and Sergei, my host *mom* and her son.

It probably doesn't help matters that i'm completely gone, mentally. I really haven't gotten anywhere near enough sleep, and even though i've had quite a bit in the last few hours, nowhere near enough water.

I've already had two wonderful meals with my temporary family, and both have been simple, but great :-) My favorite so far is this "vinaigrette" that Irina made that is really a "Beet, Cucumber, and Potatoes Salad". It's freakin' awesome :-D

I have taken a pretty thorough account of my travels using my little recorder, so hopefully i'll find a way to post it soon. If not, here is the long and short of what's happened involving me so far:

+Got on the plane to Chicago and arrived there on time.
+Got nailed at the exchange counter for a some of money that i'm sure is not quite worth what i paid.
+Plane got delayed due to a "galley malfunction". Which probably means a coffee pot problem.
+Plane got to Moscow early.
+Picked up some extra cash after figuring out (by blind luck) what the ATM machines looked like vs. the exchange machines.
+Used some more blind luck to find, buy a ticket for, and board the express train into Moscow.
+Used up the rest of my blind luck successfully navigating the Moscow subway system mostly by instinct.
+Found the train station just a little bit outside of the metro station and headed in.
+I was pretty severely early, and i ended up waiting a long time for my train.
+Took an absurd amount of pics and vids while on the train and had an awesome older lady who understood no English for a bunk mate.
+Got pretty much no sleep because of jet lag, caffeine, and a bumpy ride.
+And now i'm here!

If you want to check out the pics and vids i've got, head on over to my Picasa Web page (linked to the right) and have fun :-)

Sorry if some of them seem a bit repetitive, but i figured better too many than too little! :-D

NEways, i'm totally exhausted. I've actually started finishing different words than i had started writing.

Well, Catch y'all on the flip side :-D

Heading off to Russia

Well, the time has finally come! I'll be heading out to the airport around 8 am, and off to Russia at 11:10.

I decided that the best way to avoid jetlag was to beat it at its own game, so i've stayed up all night (got to watch Quantum of Solace as part of the bargain) and i figured i'd pop off a quick blog before i forget :-)

I actually did a Google Map of where i'll be going. Click here to check it out :-)

Assuming that all goes according to plan, i should be in Izhevsk by Sunday around 12pm (11pm on Sat, phx time) and I start teaching on Monday!

For better or worse, this trip is (almost) officially on its way!

Wow - i totally didn't blog in 5 months ...

So here's the big thing that's going on in my life: (figured i'd start with that!)

I'm going to Russia for a month! I'm going to be teaching English and living with a host family in a city called Izhevsk - i can't wait! :-D

The program is through a company called Svezhy Veter and basically sets you up to teach English and maybe another subject at a local school. I had kinda wanted to work with small businesses to really use my MBA, but I couldn't really find anything. In the end, i ended up having an e-mail conversation with someone who had done the SV program and had nothing but good things to say about it!

My boss is being super cool and letting me have a month of personal leave, so basically i don't get paid, but i don't have to start looking for a new job, either :-D

OK, well, that's about all that i have time for now. Dear Diary, sorry i've been ignoring you. I'll call soon, i promise ... ...

NEways, wish me luck! I'll try to post pics etc while i'm there ... starting November 14th! AGH!! :-D

Wow - i totally wrote that.

I was just talking to a fellow alum from T-Bird and the topic of Das Tor, the student newspaper came up. I hadn't thought about the articles i'd written in a while - some are arrogant, some ridiculous, but some still ring true today.

Anyway, i thought i'd drag 'em back out into the light. If you're interested, here's the link:

Das Tor Online

You might have to register to read some of the articles in their entirety. If that strikes you as ridiculously annoying, i've also posted a word document which contains them all chronologically and in their entirety:

Google Document

[update: sorry for the errors in the document i linked - Google Docs doesn't seem to like the bolding and formatting.]

Value Chasm

So i was browsing through my notebook yesterday and ran across an idea i'd written down a while ago. It's in kind of a shorthand, so forgive the grammar! :-D (btw, comments are in italics, the rest is from my original writing)

-----------------------------------------------------

Things I Value vs. Things I Value Doing i think i was going to make a list of things ...

We feel upset about aspects of our lives that we either
a) Value more than we value the corresponding action
(ie: I value a clean house more than i value the corresponding chores)
b) Value less than we value the corresponding action
(ie: I value eating more than i value food)
c) Feel that we should value something that we don't (or action)
(ie: I should value work or planning my time more than i do)
d) Feel that we shouldn't value something we do (or action)
(ie: I shoudn't value video games as much as i do)

We spend a lot of time reconciling these differences and usually trying to convince others to value the same things that we do. To us, their lack of concern for the things we value can be maddening. To the offending party, it just is how it is. They're not being difficult or thick skulled, it's just something they don't care about.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, i just wanted to type that up. The only thing that i might add is that the last paragraph about conflict between people ultimately comes from applying the four scenarios above to your relationship with others. You can just change the wording of the last two points a little to better reflect where expectations are coming from. In a large group, the group determines what's of value, so you might feel like you have to measure up by either valuing something more, or something less. In a smaller group, or a group where an individual has some power or influence, it is the individual that sets those "standards", and effectively shifts focus from self onto the group or other individual.

In other words, the last two points could just as easily read:

c) Feel that others should value something that they don't (or action)
(ie: He should value work or planning his time more than he does)
d) Feel that others shouldn't value something they do (or action)
(ie: They shoudn't value video games as much as they do)

Quickie

So i can't type much 'cause i'm at work, but i had to get this on "paper." I've had two dreams over the last week where i felt like i was at some kind of reunion, and this morning when i got in the stairwell at work there was a moment where i was the only person in it. I got this feeling a lot like deja vu, but different ... it was different because it was like i knew that the situation wasn't the same, but it felt like there was only a thin veil between where i knew i was standing, and where i felt i was standing.

Specifically, i felt like i was at Rippowam Cisqua, and i was late for class ... i was coming into school just after the people ahead of me vanished out of sight, and i was alone in the hallway. I felt like i had that shadow of a thought that i could just skip out, but i knew i wouldn't. (not only because i shouldn't but because i couldn't drive) Either way, it wasn't really on the forefront. Mostly i just had that feeling of where i was ... not a stairway in PetSmart, but a hallway in grade school. The smell - the feel of the air ... it wasn't that those things reminded me of it, it's that they seemed to momentarily conform to my expectations. Expectations for a place i haven't been in over 15 years.

I might edit this with detail on my two dreams as well. The first was a dream about college friends and the one last night was about grade school and a few high school people. (though in the latter my friends from now were mixed in with them)

At this point, though, i'm really just wondering wtf? What am i thinking that i don't know i'm thinking?

One small step for tiller, one giant leap for sustainability!

So it may not be the most impressive thing, but i finally got started on our garden today. I've been plotting (hah hah ... like a plot of land? Get it? ... is this thing on?) a garden for a while now - one that we could use to grow lettuce, tomatoes, herbs, cabbage, maybe even potatoes or eggplant!

It was an idea for about a half a year, and it's been made corporeal (almost) this weekend! Here's a few shots of the work in progress. I really love how you can see the shadow of the house elongating ... i was out there for a while! :-D

NEways, i don't have anything specific in mind for how it's going to look when i'm done, but i drew a concept design of what i expect the finished product to look like.

Christian

Just Random - Prepare for Excess Verbiage

Now playing: Darling Nikki - Foo Fighters

I was originally going to make this post about the nostalgia that hit me while i was categorizing my friends on Facebook, but now that i've had a moment or three to cast my eye about and let it happen upon what it will, i find myself wanting to condense my original thoughts into one succinct phrase:

"Holy shit. It's been almost 14 years since i graduated from grade school."

Now playing: Living Dead Girl (Naked Exorcism Mix) - Rob Zombie

It's really odd seeing people on FB and almost getting the feeling like they're some strange apparition from the ghost of education past. I can remember going through grade school, but i'm sure you know what i'm talking about when i say that it essentially seems like a distant dream that may have happened in some alternate reality for all i can tell.

Now playing: Dance With the Devil - Breaking Benjamin

Lolz, i have like fifty songs showing in the last ten minutes because i spent a bunch of time formatting. I swear, i type more than 2 words per minute! Though admittedly i *read* much slower than that.

There's a lot of things going on in my life but i don't know that there's anything i can make a really good story out of. So i guess i'll start with two quick reviews of games i've played:

Assassin's Creed is one hell of a ride. It may not be as "Oh, so THIS is the next generation ..." as i would have hoped, but the gameplay and storyline are solid. A very good experience overall. I like how they felt like they had to have a disclaimer at the beginning that said "This game was developed by many people of different nationalities and religious beliefs." Something like that anyways. The game itself is far from offensive to anyone (i think) and plays off of both sides of religious fanaticism with equal fervor. I just feel like the disclaimer shouldn't matter - someone who would get offended by the game wouldn't even take the time to play it, let alone read that disclaimer. No offense to the idiots out there who claim that videogames are have usurped mammon's throne and claimed the title of "Root of All Evil", but it pisses me off that the biggest vocal opponents of video games are those least likely to play one.

I won't get into that whole argument further, though - there are valid points on both side, to be sure.

Now playing: Shame - Stabbing Westward

Second on the list is PixelJunk Monsters, which is truly demonstrative of the PS3 incredible Multi-Cell Dimensional Rift Worm Hole technology. You'll see what i mean after the jump ;-)

The game itself is VERY low on rewards and has an incredibly steep learning curve. This game should be on the virtual shelf of every sadomasochist out there - it's way cheaper than all that melted candle wax, boys and girls, and let me tell you ... it burns.

Not saying not to buy it, mind you, but if you have a PS3 and you want a 10-dollar game, try this instead.

Now playing: The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead - XTC

Oh man, this song has perfect timing. Let me tell you a little something about Peter Pumpkin head: He came to town, spreading wisdom and cash around. He fed the starving and housed the poor - really showed the Vatican what gold's for. But he made to many enemies of the people who would keep us on our knees. Hooray for Peter Pumpkin! We pray for Peter Pumpkin Head!

If there is one thing i have to say i've always wanted to be, it's Peter. The guy who tells the tells the truth and makes enemies of the people who would oppress us. It's the guy who would make a difference in the society that he's living in ... no, the whole world. I think we all feel like we're meant to do something. I think we all realize that within every person lies the potential to change the world.

I've often thought about how to do it - how's it possible? How can you make people act towards each other as humans, not as animals? Because that's all we are in a world where possessions are valued above anything else. Animals. Except for the fact that animals know when to let well enough alone - you don't see a lion out there with a hoard of carcasses hanging out behind him and his bitches in the pool.

Now playing: My Name Is Jonas - Weezer

We've managed to convince ourselves that the only way to achieve the kind of "progress" that we have is to promote the ideal of "He who has the most toys wins." The reality of it is that we could still achieve everything we have today without sacrificing the majority to a life of servitude to the few.

I count myself lucky. I do. LuAnne and i don't have to worry about whether we'll have enough food to eat. About whether we'll have a place to sleep. Hell, we don't even have to worry about whether we could afford a second car. At the same time, i know that because she and i are fortunate, someone else is not. It's immature and ultimately irresponsible to believe that you could live the life you lead without someone else suffering for it. We live in a zero sum world - if you have more money than you need to survive, someone else has less than they need.

I've happened upon two books in the last few months that have really clicked many ideas together for me. Walden-Two by B.F. Skinner, and prior to that (but i'm still working on it) The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield.

Now playing: Breath - Breaking Benjamin

Now before you say anything: No, i'm not joining some weird cult. But as a student of religion and, by extension, humanity, i find it intriguing to hear my own thoughts and observations echoed in the voices of people i've never met. In the case of Skinner, by someone who wrote about those very thoughts over 60 years ago. The two books tie into each other in the way that everything does when you're willing to let them. What's perhaps the most astonishing thing about Walden-Two is the ease with which it comprehensively applies to the world today. There are, of course, things which need to be factored in having to do with technology and the advent of the global village.

Now playing: Zombie Me - No More Kings

But realistically all those things have done is made it easier to attain the goal and maintain the lifestyle of a utopian society based on and groomed by an understanding of the human condition. It's possible to give everyone everything they need, it's just a question of how to convince them that that's all that they want. Just as it's perceived as better to have loved and lost, we seem to believe that it's better to have watched HD in your living room and lost the TV in bankruptcy.

Now playing: Walk on By - Cake

As to The Celestine Prophecy, it's an entertaining book which offers an interesting explanation or two for things that students of life and humanity probably have noticed themselves at one time or another. Whether you believe in energy or not, it's hard to deny the psychological realities and applications of many of the things which are "observed" and suggested in the book.

When taken together, these two books make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities. More importantly, i feel like they make it impossible for a person with even slightly healthy mental faculties to say "We need Peter Pumpkinhead." Maybe what we really need is someone to say "Screw it - call me Peter from now on."

All music info provided via FoxyTunes.

Our Honeymoon in the Caribbean

So here's the link for the pics:

http://picasaweb.google.com/xerotolerance

We haven't had a chance to fill in the captions yet, and we still have some waterproof camera pictures to develop and upload, but these are all the digital camera ones :-)

We also have some great vids, but some of them are huge.

I'm going to try to send out a CD of wedding pictures and videos as well as honeymoon ones. No promises, but if enough people want them i'll try to have it done by the end of the month :)

We have to get ready to go somewhere now, but i'll update this blog with a rundown of the places we went and things we did when i get back :-D

OMG Married

OK, so i thought i'd post a few links real quick (also on the side of the page) for everyone of the wedding!!

Feel free to go to:

My Sister's Pics

Sierra Blanco's Pics of the Wedding

Sierra Blanco's Engagement Pics

Scrapbooth Pictures

Thank you to everyone who made it!! We had such a good time - i can't even believe how much we enjoyed our wedding. You hear a lot about how fast it goes and how you have to really try to enjoy it and not get swept up in the craziness. I don't know if i succeeded in doing that, but i know that i've never had so much fun at a wedding.

Hopefully i'll find a way to get some vids up soon - enjoy the pics!! (and please remember to give credit where it is due if copying them - these folks deserve a round of applause for the awesome pics)

EDIT: Dave has some great pics, too - check 'em out!

EDIT: Also, please take a moment to vote for our vendors! We really think they all did a great job!!!

DJ/Videographer: Three Oceans Entertainment
Photographers: Sierra Blanco Photography
Caterer: Creations in Cuisine
Cake: Sugarlips
Reception/Wedding Venue: Harvest Groves
Wedding Planners/Florist: Cheval Events

There are a lot more categories to fill out before the vote counts, so if you can try to fill out the rest with something. I've included all our vendors, but it may not be enough. (they have a lot)

THANKS!!
Christian

OMG Pictures!

We got some ridiculously great shots this weekend for our engagement shoot. Go check them out!!

http://sierrablancophotography.blogspot.com/2008/02/luanne-and-christian-engagement-shoot.html

The Slow Pace of Technology

You know what I don't get? And i'll tell ya, i've been thinking this for a while:

What the hell is with technology? I mean, here we are, the year 2008. And you know what? Something is DEFINITELY missing.

No. I'm not wondering where the flying cars are.

I was gonna fluff this up a bit, maybe dance around the issue before i got right down to the meat of it, but screw it:

Do you know how we get power out of a Nuclear Reactor? Not the details, mind you, but the essential idea? Get this: We release a ridiculous amount of energy from a radioactive substance to heat water to and beyond boiling so that the vapor turns turbines.

We use HEAT to generate STEAM to turn TURBINES.

Are you getting this? Seriously, go check it out.

You know what that basically means? It means that we're getting all our energy from a freaking steam engine.

And you know what the whole steam engine thing was mostly based off?

This.

You know what they're building now? Fission reactors. Do you know what that means? That means that we're going to be SPLITTING AN ATOM to create energy. You know what we're going to do with that energy?

This.

I'll keep this brief, because i think you get the general idea. But one last thing before i go: Do you ever think about what's happening in your car? Gas is exploding. A lot. A lot of gas is exploding a lot. IN YOU CAR. Do you know what we're doing with the energy from those little explosions?

Well there's no water involved, but basically...

This.

You'd think that maybe we'd build a fucking homage to the Water Wheel. We could call it, The Statue of Energy.

I know - stupid rant. Don't even get me STARTED on airplanes.

Christian

Hello? Is this thing on?

You know what i haven't done in a long time? Blogged. So i figured i'd sit down and tell y'all a little of what's going on lately.

WEDDING
As you may or may not know, i'm getting married - w00t to that! Wedding plans are complete and all that's left is the little things, so we're essentially gtg! It's pretty dang exciting to have the big day coming up ... more so to know that our "new life" together starts in a little over 4 weeks!

It's also interesting how little i actually anticipate our lives will change. I mean really - we've been living together for a while now, and i really can't see us doing anything terribly differently after all is said and done.

CLOVERFIELD
We just watched cloverfield tonight, btw, and it was hella good. i've seen some pretty negative reviews out there, and i really have to wonger wtf they're thinking. i mean, this isn't oscar material - i don't think it's meant to be. It ALSO is not the average monster flick. This is very much about a group of friends who find themselves mixed up in a panicky mass of pounding feet and terrified screaming.

What do you do in that situation? I guess ultimately you do the best you can - you cling to something you know, or think you know, and hold on as long as you can. Sometimes that thing helps you persevere ... sometimes it's ripped savagely away from you as tears of mad frustration roll down your face to join with the anguished cries of terror and denial emanating from somewhere deep in your soul.

Not that that happens, i'm just saying.

SPIRALFROG
BTW, if you haven't heard of it, there's a great new site out there called Spiralfrog that has a few agreements with some key record companies that lets them provide you with a decent variety of artists and albums for your LEGAL downloading pleasure. Unfortunately, the files are all DRM'd to hell, so you can only copy them to a portable device. Fortunately, there are ways around that. Of course, i don't recommend it or endorse it ... i'm just sayin'. ;-)

SOLVING THE UNSOLVABLE
I was having a conversation today about everyone's favorite "root of all evil." I ended up bringing something up that i've had in my head for a while now: I read this thing a while back on (someone else's) Starbucks cup. It essentially said that we can't solve poverty by giving every poor person money, and we can't solve humanity's negative effects on the global environment by changing a few lightbulbs.

I guess there's a lick of truth to that. Of course, that's the problem i have with it. It really grinds my gears (ha ha - love that family guy) that what people are really saying when they say "I can't just give every poor person money" is "i can't just give every poor person money and not be poor myself." Of course, if people would just stop trying to have more than the other guy, this wouldn't be an issue! There are no poor people if there are no rich people, you know?

I guess the real problem there, though, is how do you inspire people to keep working and coming up with ideas, etc. I mean, let's face it, most of the advances we've had ... well OK, like, almost all of them, have come about as a result of a person or group of people trying to be better than they currently are. Of course there are plenty of innovations and changes instigated by people with the purest of intentions, but let's face it, without the right financial backing it usually won't go anywhere.

I guess it all comes back to a balance - same balance that rules everything. You can't have everyone want nothing, and you can't have everyone want it all. Ideally you have a mix that balances everything out. Preferably a fluctuating one which sets up a situation like that guy that keeps having to roll the boulder up the hill.

I mean, everyone would work a lot harder if they knew what it was like to be poor, but if they could never be rich, where would they go? So you need a kind of cyclic pattern where people have to produce in order to maintain their status ... kind of like a permanent middle class.

Wow ... this is going off on a tangent.

Of course ... that's all this whole thing has been ...

BTW, check out "Name of the Game" by Crystal Method. Awwww yeah.

LATAZ
OK, this is me signing off. I'm going to try to wake up for the spinning class at the local 24 tomorrow. It's fun stuff ... challenging, but fun. Who knows! Maybe i can even drop some poundage before the wedding! (riiiiiiiiiiiight)

NEways - lata gata. Catch ya on the flip side!

Christian

Tripping down memory lane...

I decided that i wanted to take a look back at where it all started. There's a lot of time between my first blog and now, and it felt really good to remind myself of some of the things i was thinking back then. This was probably one of the first things that i did when i moved to Arizona ... crazy. In a way, i miss those days - the way we miss any memory. It seems like all the bad things pale in comparison to the good memories that i'm reminded of, especially with my dear friends the 'Chelles. Take a bow, girls - I meant (and mean) every word written below.

Welcome to the past - keep your hands inside the blog at all times, please.

8.13.2003
Hello and howdy sports fans! I guess i just saw so many of my friends (namely the 'Chelles) doing this that I just couldn't resist!! Yes, yes... I am completely aware of the lemmingesque ramifications of this deed - but I assure you that if my friends jumped off a bridge, I would most certainly not follow! ... well, at least until I got bored. ... ten minutes later.

So wow... a blog... what should i write? I guess i should start by saying that i hate capitalizing my "i"s in typed conversation. It's one letter - it by no means deserves so much attention and care that i have to reach my pinky finger aaaaaaall the way over to the shift key just to satisfy some grammatical rule invented by a man with no hair. ... well maybe he had hair, but that's beyond the scope of this argument.

I think that as this blogging (verb?) is a direct result of my compadres (ettes i think) from P-Town, i should dedicate this beginning - indeed a veritable bloggining... to my beautiful, darling, extremely entertaining 'Chelles. WHO, incidentally, have some of the most depressing blogs i have ever seen! I hope you don't expect that HERE! If i were to be morosely depressed, i would most certainly not tell you about it! That would negate my ability to charge you with "being ignorant of my obviously upset feelings" and certainly my right to say "you don't even care! Just go away!" at any point in random time!

Of course i speak not of anyone i know - I simply wish to relate what incredible lessons you learn while living with someone of the opposite sex. ... That would be a girl for all you idiots. Of course, it occurs to me that if you couldn't figure that one out, you have no idea what i'm talking about, and so the jest went straight over your head, and out the window. What a shame.

SO. I guess to finish this absurdly pointless blog, i should tell you all something i have as yet not mentioned: As Darryl Whorly (sp?) said, but pluralized - "I miss my friends."

I want to take this opportunity to also say a few more things.

1) I hate my old bank, and everything that they stand for... or crawl for... on their stomaches. (that's a snake reference - biblical if you will. i AM a religious studies BS degree holder)

2) Schwarzenneger? Governor? California? Shotgun?

3) It occurs to me that though life is a series of transitions, constantly in transition, (redundancy = redundancy??) and it is highly unlikely that any of us could spend our entire lives with the same friends, in the same place, forever, (perhaps not so much the latter as the former) this past summer taught me something that will be with me for a long time. (whew! now THAT was a sentence that enjoyed running on!)

That lesson (to break up the paragraph) is this: Carpe Diem. I knew that i would have to leave just a short month or so after i called the Michelles - but i did it anyway, and they filled my life with such joy and laughter (not to mention D-Rama) that i can scarce imagine what my life was like prior to the day we all went to see Bruce Almighty. Watching AI last night (again x3) gave me some insight i had previously not had. (thus, it gave me the insight... redundant again?)

"Come away o human child to the waters of the wild, with a fairy hand in hand - For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand."

If it were not for fairies like Michelle and Sheli, life would be a lonesome, dreary, lifeless place to exist.

Thank you for your friendship - you are angels of a higher order than ever imagined by any man or child on earth.

And so, to finish this blog in a sort of nostalgic mirth and sadness, (call me a walking contradiction) Thank you to all of the people that I have gotten to know over the years... and i mean ALL of you. You have all contributed to where I'm going, and where I've been, but most importantly - you have contributed to where i am now. That, to me, is the greatest gift i could ever ask for.

I am alive; I am happy; I am writing a long, pointless blog.

Goodnight, sleep tight, and for God's sake, if the bedbugs bite, kick 'em! Kick 'em with your foot!

.Christian

posted by Christian at 8/13/2003 10:31:00 PM

Mostly Mundane

That's what this blog is mostly going to be. See the thing is that I have to work the 3rd shift tomorrow night ... 8pm to 6am. Yech. Well the way i figure it, if i want to be able to stay up all tomorrow night, i should stay up all tonight, too - then go to sleep when i'll have to normally. (maybe a little earlier)

So here i am, the guy that rarely goes to sleep after 10:30pm in Phoenix, going to sleep around 5am here. Granted, i've been staying up late here anyways, but let's face it, i'm going to be BORED AS HELL after around midnight, and nothing to do! (it's Sunday, so no one sells alcohol AT ALL in this county, which means EVERYWHERE is closed after 9 or 10pm)

I guess i could always do what any sensible college student (in Peoria, Illinois) would do - go to Steak and Shake and kill some time at Wal-Mart. Oh man ... i can feel my stomach turning already! And that's without even factoring in Steak and Shake! ... yes, i have a thing against Wal-Mart. Why? Well, to put it plainly, everywhere tries to scrape off some cost here and there, and in the process they have to take that money from someone else. (certainly not themselves) That might be the vendor, who might pass it on to the manufacturer, who most likely will pass it on to the worker and the parts supplier, who will pass it on to ITS workers, and so on. It's like a reverse buck passing ... or the electron flow before lightning strikes the earth. (which is from the ground up to the clouds - that's the path that the static charge is following down as it superheats the air into plasma ... which is lightning)

I don't hate Wal-Mart for trying to save the end consumer money - i dislike purchasing anything from them because they really are the best at what they do: taking money away from the supplier and passing it off as savings to the customer. (who, if they work in manufacturing, might well be able to thank Wal-Mart for getting laid off recently, and thus not having much choice of where to shop but ... Wal-Mart)

Now i could probably go on and on about that kind of thing, and realistically i'll never be able to cover all the angles (good or bad) to give a fair representation of that company. That's just how i feel, i guess, and sometimes regardless of facts backing it up or going against you, you're going to feel that way anyway.

I just remembered i have to run an add on a table ... brb.

-------- TEN MINUTES LATER ---------

Did that feel like 10 minutes to you? Maybe you should come back in ten minutes ...

Seriously.


....


...


..


.

Did you just read down the page and not actually leave? ::sigh:: Fine. I see how you are.

I have had a really great string of songs come on Pandora, btw.
"Do You Know? (The Ping-Pong Song)" by Enrique Iglesias
"We Were Born the Mutants Again with Leafling" by Of Montreal
"Los Angeles I'm Yours" by The Decemberists

I just love the sound of the last two, but the sound AND the lyrics of "Do You Know?" (and the fact that the title includes "The Ping Pong Song" I suppose) worked great together!

According to AZlyrics.com, the chorus goes something like this:

"Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed"

Not something you'd expect from "The Ping Pong Song." Not stupendous, mind you, but really not that bad.

If we're talking about break up songs, though, i'd have to say that "Call it Even" by Vertical Horizon is one of my faves:

"I saw an open door
and i looked inside it,
but i had no idea
what you were hiding.

So now i'm holding a bag,
and it's heavy,
and the conversation stops -
so much for "friendly".

And if i told you i was dying of thirst,
(and the sky was falling just to make it worse)
would you just smile and push me away -
Can't be bothered with the words i say?

Why can't i see it
like it really is?
Know it
like i know my name?
And if it's all the same,
i don't like this game,
so let's pack it up
and call it even."

That was from memory, so maybe i'm off a bit, but still - great song. Really the only great one on their "Running on Ice" CD (i remember the name??) but definitely worth a buck on iTunes.

And no, i'm not on a "break up song" thing for any personal reason, just going off the "Do You Know" lyrics. Personally, i can't wait to get home and see my Lula :-D And meet Eric Michael, of course.

I really hope that everything ends up OK with Pandora and the other internet radios. (mostly Pandora)

I think the fact is simply that you have a bunch of old fuddy-duddys who have no clue about the world anymore deciding the laws. Telling people what they can and can't do with the internet after letting them develop their own habits (good or bad) is really just another prohibition. It's like outlawing anything, really, but it's especially bad in that kind of situation. It's one thing to have a small percentage of the population breaking the law, but another one entirely to have a large portion of the population disagreeing with the law.

Maybe that's not the case yet, but i have a feeling that if music and movie publishers don't wake up and smell the bit-streams, someone will come along and throw them out the window. That's pretty much what seems to have happened with internet radio. It's a superior format that allows people to personalize what they want to listen to, get track and album (and lyrical!) information instantly, as well as browse similar songs and discuss the experience with fellow interneteurs.

Now sure, i'm full of that "It's so totally awesome, dude! Out with the old, in with the new! Down with the man!" fervor that might make what i'm saying seem trite if not completely baseless, but as i've said before, that's just what i think ... take it or leave it.

BTW, Tom Petty should be considered a kind of god. "Accused of Love" is just one of those ... well ... songs you should listen to at least once ;-)

And if you've never watched the video for "O! Valencia!" by The Decemberists, you should. But listen to the song by itself first and let your imagination do the talking. I think that's what draws me most to The Decemberists - they create music that impassions your mind. You can't help but imagine the smallest details of every story they tell.

And hey, they're catchy, too :-D

I've decided i'm going to try rowing again. I had a chance to go out and scull with Wendy on the Chattahoochee, and it was "simply awesome." (as Billy Ocean ::hah hah:: might say) It made me remember how incredible the water can be, and how much i love being on it. I'd love to say that it's rowing that hits me like that - that molten, liquidy slug of recognition that tears into your gut and spreads through your body in a warm, tingly wave, pulling you muscles taut and relaxing them at the same time, leaving you staring off distractedly at everything (and nothing) all at once - trying to take it all in as if you'll be able to recall it at will later on.

I love being on the water. Even nasty, smelly water. Even rough and tumble water. I feel that it's the ultimate reminder of how incredible everything around us is. Can you imagine? Heat anything to a point and it'll either liquefy or combust, which just means part of it stays solid (for a while) while part turns to low energy gas (smoke) and the rest into high energy, liquid gas. (fire) Now OK, i'm not sure as to the definitions above, but the terminology and the exact wording isn't that important. What matters is the idea:

It's all molecules.

You want to talk about a mind trip? Think about all those Yogis and priests back in the day (a Wednesday, surely) talking about how everything is one, and how we're all part of the same. Think about how all those ideas have been around forever, and here we are in a world where we know that IT'S TRUE. Take it out of the context of religion and it's easy to see the proof in the pudding. Literally. Pudding is made of molecules. Molecules are made of atoms. Atoms are made of Electrons, Protons, and Neutrons. WE are made of Electrons, Protons, and Neutrons. ERGO, (which is the name of a very licky dog in Georgia, who is also made of Electrons, Protons, and Neutrons) everything is one: A neutrino which is either Negatively, Positively, or Neutrally charged.

Trip, huh? I once heard that fuzzy logic says that if you left a bowl on a table for eons, it would eventually fall through the table. And why not? If all everything is is EPN (Electrons, Protons, Neutrons) then all it takes is a little gravity to help encourage one molecule to swap Neutrinos (is that the name??) with another. It'd be kind of like putting one very light gas and one very heavy gas in the room together so that they together took up all the volume of a given space. Sure they would be separate, but look at the border between the two and see if you can tell me where one stops and the other starts. I guess the one thing that would shoot down that theory about the bowl and the table is that gravity would have to be acting more heavily on the bowl than the table (which is currently impossible) or there would have to be some external (non material) force acting exclusively and equally on all parts of the bowl.

Did i just go there? Yes i did. Because this is where i'm going: Water is molecules (with two one hydrogen, one oxygen, and one hydrogen atom) loosely sitting on top of each other. Your body is molecules solidly sitting on top of each other. How cool is that??

Anyway - i feel like when i'm on the water, it brings me closer to reality. It's a reminder of what the world is: Positive, Negative, and Neutral, hanging out and having a party together. So what are our minds? There are more things in the this world than matter. Energy is a good example. Matter couldn't HAVE a charge without energy. Matter and energy - i guess that aside from the fundamental existence of the universe, a brain is the biggest example of those two building blocks working together: Matter for the Brain, Energy for the Mind.

OK. If anyone is still reading, you get a prize.

At one point in an interview with Bill Moyer, Joseph Campbell describes the image of a large (giant, even!) sculpture in a dark, cavernous temple somewhere out there where i've never been. The sculpture is of two faces dividing from a central visage. Light and Dark coming from Neither. Positive and Negative coming from Neither. Good and Bad coming from Neither. Neither and All. One of the most important points of that image is the All. The fact that both sides diverged from the middle ... the All. Good is Bad, Light is Dark, Existence is Nothingness, Being is Non-Being, and we are all One.

OK. So it wasn't a prize.

I'm going to go now, and stop blathering on about life, the universe, and everything. I probably won't stop thinking about it, but i can't possibly tell you EVERYTHING that i'm thinking! (though i hear the padded rooms are quite nice come summer time)

Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

Christian

Uncle Christian Skips His 10-Year

A quote from Death Cab comes to mind:

"So this is my ten year ..."

ok ok ok, so those aren't the words, but the sentiment is pretty much the same. More on that in a bit, though - more importantly, i've just become (practically) an uncle. Brian and Sydni have had little Erik Michael Abrahamsen and by end-of-day February 22nd of next year, i'll officially be his uncle. (in-law)

While it's certainly nerve wracking to realize that there is now going to be a small child in our group of friends (and that like it or not, everything we do will serve as an example) it's also exciting. I think that deep down, everyone wants to be listened to, looked up to, etc. Kids do that ... (for a while anyways) they look up to you. They think of you as a "grown up".

It makes me wonder just how much growing up i've really done. It almost seems like after a certain point, i just plateaued. It's like working out - if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, eventually you're not getting any stronger, you're just maintaining. That's probably where the rituals associated with different life stages are supposed to come in. An example might be the progression from high school to adulthood.

Graduate and go to college: Your first big step in "growing up". Less influence from parents, more personal accountability. You're really expected to be planning your future.

Graduate college and get a "real" job: You're held fully accountable for your actions. This is when you start living that big future you'd been talking about. Maybe you dress nicer - go to swankier parties ... show off how grown up you are and how well you're doing at it.

Reach adulthood: Maybe somewhere after 25 you start thinking about less beer and more whiskey. Less snowboarding trip, more Caribbean Cruise. Less Mustang and more BMW.

I guess it's the progression between living for the ideals you've derived from your immediate social group (ie students and faculty) and start living your life in accordance with your perception of the grander societal norms. You go from trying to fit in with the clothes you wear and who you talk to, to fitting in with ... uh ... the clothes ... hmmm ... damn. I guess some things just don't change.

"I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, just a lie you've got to rise above."

Maybe. Maybe the truth is actually that the only deception is the concept of an "unreal" versus a "real" world. Things that mattered in your youth (social acceptance, perceived success, Jolly Ranchers) will always matter. It's not a question of a different world, just a different scope.

So here i am, a couple of nights before my 10 year reunion, and i'm wondering if i made the right choice. Should i have sucked it up and gone? Would I have gotten there and realized "Hold on - these aren't the people i remember at all! They're all responsible adults who've morphed dramatically from their former selves, and we're all going to get along now because we've matured!"

Honestly, i doubt it. Not to say that people wouldn't have changed - i'm positive they would! But maybe not on the inside. Maybe not in the places that would be necessary for that kind of happy reunion. I can't imagine anyone saying "Wow ... I'm so glad you came to this reunion so that we could get to know each other better. I didn't know you or want to get to in school, but i'm all ears now!"

True, i'm adding on a layer of contempt that may mask the truth of what i'm saying a bit, but the truth is there. I'm certainly no exception! I've communicated to a few people that i remembered, who i honestly wish i'd known better, (instead of ducking my head in shame or trying too damn hard, and never finding that happy medium) but i really couldn't even imagine striking up a conversation with anyone else. Even the folks i messaged would be hard to talk to for lack of common ground.

I know i'm generalizing, but i can't help but think i'm right.

What i long for is not a chance to revisit my memories, but a chance to re-experience them. I spent so much time (for most of my life until college) just drifting through life, a willing captive to the tides of fate, that i never took the time to look around and experience what was going on.

I "fell in love" like a fool - constantly and with little cause, thinking that life was like the movies, and i was the sacrificing and ignored protagonist. I walked the paths and roads of "the lovely valley land of Kent" as if there were a camera following me around - a crowd sympathizing with my every let down, rejoicing at my every success, and wordlessly praying for my every hope to be realized. If there's anything i want, it's a chance to go back and experience every year of my life for the first time. I wouldn't want to change anything, just to actually live it, instead of just surviving it.

And how can one reconcile the youth that dreamed of a movie script ending with the thought that maybe life is just life, and there is no ultimate meaning or grand scheme?

I've dreamt of that school. I've dreamt of acceptance, proving myself the hero, and even discovering an old flame where there had never been one. All these things tell me something now more than ever: I would only go there to find my dreams, and searching for them would neither yield any results, nor better the reality of my life.

Joseph Campbell tells a wonderful story about a samurai who sets out to avenge his murdered master. The samurai spends years hunting down the man who committed the crime and finally corners him in a garden. The battle is brief and the samurai, having disarmed his opponent, steps forward to strike him down. In a fit of rage at his defeat and seemingly inescapable death, the beaten man spits on the samurai's face. He is surprised then, as you can imagine he would be, when the samurai wipes the spit from his face, sheathes his sword, and walks away.

We may well ask why he would turn away and abandon his master's vengeance. Why not strike down the murderer where his stood, spit still hanging loosely from his chin beneath his bared teeth. The samurai would tell you a fairly simple thing, but one hard for us to relate to in this day and age: If he had killed him then, it would have been out of his own anger, and not solely out of the duty he had sworn to his master.

There are MANY lessons to be learned and points to be thought on from that one story, but i think that the one i'll focus on is this: You should never kid yourself about the reasons you do something, nor the emotions you have vested in said action(s). I've tried to teach myself that life is too short not to know why you're living. It's not some invisible hand guiding you, or a path determined by fate - it's your own thoughts and desires leading you on the way.

Judaism, Christianity, and Islam teach that man ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge and was cast out of the garden with and by his own free will. Buddhism teaches that life is suffering, because everything including joy is impermanent. Sheryl Crow teaches that it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

Christian