Wow.

I hadn't talked to the Shelmeister in a long time. Not like this anyways, just rambling on in a quasi-philosophical manner which would normally imply some higher intelligence, but in my case is just a good faker ;-) I think... anyways I doubt that many that attend class with me would really agree - i sometimes think they look at me as though i was some freeloader who just got here by chance and would (or should) never be taken seriously.

It's funny how the eyes of the few become the thoughts of the many, eh?

I'm sure that my honest opinion of the matter is slightly skewed as a result of years of insecurity and insufficiency complexes, but the fact is that i can't help but feel much like a few of the people i know: Lost, confused, hopeless, and helpless. Feeling like there must be something else out there that just barely escapes my attention whenever i search for it, like a mosquito that buzzes in your ear loudly enough that you're convinced if you smack your ear it'll perish in the pressurized bubble of the air between your hand and ear canal, only to find that the mosquito has survived and your ear is currently doing some ringing of its own.

My most recent ramble in The Hollander touched briefly (or not, you'll have to read to find out) on a theme which has ensnared me for quite some time ... the idea that i can almost see the thin film separating me from where i should be. Have you ever felt like that? Like you may one day awake to find another face where your farce used to be? I don't think i'm fake - far from it. I think i'm too honest about my emotions, and that they change so often, and for such seemingly small reasons, that it is often easy to misinterpret them as being fake, or trying to please.

You try too hard.

I stopped knowing what anyone could possibly mean by that phrase a long time ago. I used to think that it was a clear indicator of my failed or failing attempts at climbing some social ladder which would make up for the lost relationships of my childhood. Now i find that i can only laugh at such a suggestion. Of course i want people to like me! I'm human after all! But the fact is that this "social butterfly" attitude or supposed desire is actually quite simply my own rendition of the "golden rule" of almost every major religion.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Do not do unto others as you would not have them do to you.

Pick and choose, it's the same answer either way. I want to treat others like i want to be treated. I think my biggest problem is realizing that the Confucian (2nd) definition perhaps holds more validity in certain situations. I believe in proactivity, that cannot be denied. I'm loudmouthed to a fault in my constant desire to be heard or believed or accredited. I think maybe the only thing that i have to work on is realizing that sometimes, NOT doing can be almost as effective if not more efficient at reaching goals of perception, giving, and living, as doing like a madman.

Fact is that whatever the methodology, i want what everyone else wants: happiness. I think perhaps my proudest trait is wanting happiness for everyone else. Problem is, you can never know what will make someone else happy - how can you make them smile at the intention if it has been lost in the ill-performed action?

::sigh:: The middle ground always sounds so easy because you automatically focus on the hard parts - anger, jealousy, greed... truth is that the hardest parts are the ones we think are the easiest - love, hope, happiness. Anything to an extreme is as unhealthy as its extreme opposite, right?

Wow. Enough of this for the night. I'm gonna go to sleep and forfeit my philosophical reasoning for now... anything in excess, right?

Goodnight, sleep tight, kick them bedbugs, and catch me on the flip side - i'd offer to catch you there, but considering the lack of sleep this week, that may be a bad idea.

.Christian

PS: Seriously, KTBB!!!

It's official.

If you've been wanting some Hollander to fill your dreams, click on the link to the right. It's not much, but right now, it's all he's got. Give him a break, he's an old man!

.Christian

PS: just don't tell him i said so.
PPS: oh, and don't bother taking this story seriously, i'm positive there's lots of problems with it and i'm sure it's a complete failing grammatically and literar .. uh, literal ... um... in terms of bookish stuff. So just suck it up and fill in the blanks with your own imagination, OK?
PPPS: if you manage to do so, don't tell me, i'll think you're crazy.

Blah de blog.

Blah blah blah, bee blah blah bloo. Blogablooga bloo?

So anyways, now that THAT's out of my system. I'm in Mexico! ... Still! YAY!(ish)

Seriously, i love this place, but it is still kind of hard to keep going through the everyday without being able to come home and see kim and the animals... i really miss home, yknow? Still, i think that this is probably the best thing for all of us - it gives me a chance to learn the culture and the language, and it gives kim a chance to meet and hang out with a bunch of new and interesting people that she might not have gotten the chance to meet if i was at home waiting for her to get back, or tagging along and stealing the spotlight. Kim's a great person who can make lots of friends quickly and easily, and i hope that she soon learns that and comes to appreciate how wonderful she really is.

Yay brownie points.

;-)

Seriously, i just know that overall this will be a great experience.

BTW, i just saw Troy. Actually it was called Troya. It had subtitles. Yay western pigdog hollywood influence ;-) I know i know, I'm in mexico, i should be watching spanish movies! In my defence: I glanced disinterestedly at the subtitles whenever there was nothing interesting going on in the movie ... so that means maybe once. OK, maybe twice. In other words:

TROY IS A GREAT MOVIE WHICH I CAN FEARLESSLY RECOMMEND TO ANY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH WHO HAS EYES AND EARS!
(or can read spanish subtitles i guess...)

OK, i feel creative - i think i feel the hollander coming out - Argh! No! Yikes! Yeesh! WAHOO! {insert exclusively exclamatory exclamation 'ere}

OK OK OK, so he's not really taking over my body and turning me into some freakish Jekkyl and Hyde (a la L.o.E.G) which will henceforth rend asunder the walls of this fair city and its inhabitants ... not until i've had tequila anyway. Still, i feel a ferocious growl (akin to the sound of a purring kitten) coming on.

And so, adieu! or Hasta l'uego! Or whatever. You know, it's all good. Yo.

KTBB!

.Christian

Amexicana

Well that's what we like to call a big-ole-sonofabitchola.

I just wrote this whole big blog talkin all about my experiences here in mexico, and here we are, writing all over again, because of my damn "shortcutkey trigger-fingers".

See the problem is that mac is so easy, you can quit a program by simply hitting 'open-apple' and 'q'. Well, i forgot that this blog was a WEB PAGE and closed the internet program. ::Sigh:: Are there no bounds to my idiocy?

Oh well.

Look, i gotta go to sleep, so here's a summary of the main points:

Mexico is cool.
I miss home.
I'm a passive experiencer of even events which i actively participate in. (i was in the middle of that one when it quit)

and finally - a point which i was going to get to:

GOODNIGHT! SLEEP TIGHT! KICK THEM FRIGGIN BED BUGS! KICKEM WITH YOUR FOOT!

and buh-bye.

.Christian

PS: Catch ya on that crazy mexican flip-side, baby ;-)

Holy moly you crazy canoli!

So I have about a half hour before i have to go to class, but i think that's just plenty to catch y'all up a little bit on the goings on in my life... well, at least to try ;-)

School has been kinda crazy/busy, with homework and tests and projects coming from every angle imaginable and with one task in mind - to kick our asses long and hard in ways we will have nightmares about for the rest of our lives... in other words: wow. Fish are alive, cat's doin well, daggy is ... well ... a dog. Kim's doin reall well too - she seems to really be getting used to the area out here and getting to know some of the people she works with.

I'm really happy about that last point, since it really has felt for a while like she was happy, but not as comfortable as she could be, and i really just wanted her to start going out with some friends and some new people so that she could have a stronger, wider support base out here - and so she could have some more fun!

So guess what? I'm going to Guadalajara! Yay! I think it's really going to be a great experience, and i'm really excited for the possibilities that i think it will give kim too... see she's not going, but for that reason, i think it might give her the freedom she needs to go out and have a good time and live a little outside of the life we lead together. I think that's really necessary, yknow? Aside from that though, i think that this trip will also allow me to work on my spanish and enjoy the culture around my school ... i just can't think of a single thing that could suck about this trip! The best part about all of it is that no matter how good or bad it is, i get to leave mexico and live back in AZ all over again in just 3 months! YAY :-)

Anyways, i should have internet access in the house, and we're going to try to get a US phone number there as well, but only if it's worth it, yknow? Now i just have to make sure i don't get deported from there, and that my passports are up-to-date. I will probably be leaving on the 6th of may, if y'all wanted t'know. Kim's parents (who apparently hate me - big surprise) are arriving on the 7th, so i figured it might be a good idea to skidaddle a day earlier.

NEways, ill catch y'all later - i'm gonna go hang out outside for a bit before going to class. ... yay arizona weather :-)

.Christian

HOLY McCRAP!

shit, gotta go to class. sorry, thought i had time to post... tty tonight, i swear!

.Christian

Wow

you should all feel very special... i am typing this with only one hand! that's right, one hand. I have somehow managed to injure myself more OFF the rugby pitch (btw, i'm playing rugby) than on it! ::sigh:: NEways, this is taking too damn long to type... i'll come back when both hands are working properly.

.Christian

So yeah.

Thought i'd give you all an update ...

George passed on Monday morning. The only thought that grants me some modicum of solace is the idea that he is suffering less now.

.Christian

PS: It came sudden, it came quick - God, you're a fucking prick.

Sooooo...

I realize that recently i have been especially vocal - please take the time to read the disclaimer at the bottom which speaks to any situations which may arise from my blogging.

In other words - don't get mad, read the disclaimer!

.Christian

Apparently i really am an idiot.

We (me and 4 others) recently turned in a group paper on an analysis of a case study that was done on dell. I had one frickin job - to write a four page analysis of the information that we had accumulated.

The first time i wrote the paper one of my group members pointed out that it was probably too "business journalism" - i had listed a lot of facts and not really said anything that novel or intriguing about our conclusions. Fine. I actually agreed pretty completely about that one.

The second time i wrote (four pages) the analysis, i did a much better job of presenting a discussion on the other companies shortcomings and the reasons for their failure. At least that's what i thought. After about an hour of another group member going through my paper and rewording almost everything - insisting that i am the most grammatically inept human being on the planet - almost the entire thing had been reworded and was supposedly a lot better. Fine. It's a group project. I'll live.

Then i find out today that not only did i write the paper twice, then watch it get torn completely asunder at the hands of someone with a totally different writing style, but in the end it barely resembled what i had written, being completely changed in the best interest of the group.

I can understand that the goal was to get a good grade. I can even understand the conclusion that my thoughts on the matter were totally incorrect and did not reflect everything that the group wanted to say. What i can't understand is why i'm in this fucking school if i'm such a fucking nimrod. What i can't understand is why most people who read the things i write tell me that they thought it was well worded and thought out. What i can't FUCKING understand is why i did anything in the first place!

I've consistently failed at everything that i've tried to do at this goddamned school. The only thing i have to show for this entire experience so far is a huge gaping hole where what little self-confidence i had used to hide, and an almost bigger hole in my checking account.

I seriously don't get why i even bother.

::sigh:: I really do understand why they did it - and i don't blame them... but that doesn't mean that i can understand what the hell i'm doing here, or that i can say i honestly feel i will contribute anything to the groups i'm in. I feel the biggest dead weight anyone could tie to their ankle.

Maybe that would be a good objective statement: To be a dead weight focusing in the IT industry in Western North America.

I'm gonna go to my overseas meeting now. Maybe she should just save me the time and tell me not to bother. At least in the summer heat of arizona the campus would be near empty and i wouldn't be surrounded by people who actually know what they're doing.

.Christian

QBB4C

QuickBlogB4Class - how inventive ;-)

NEways, i don't really have time to do my accounting homework right now, so i wanted to write a quick note for all y'all instead. I don't know that i can really type anything too happy right now, cause there's some fucked up shit going on right now, but here's my attempt:

yay life.

Hmm, needs work.

So i read a little from my Poe book last night - the Purloined Letter. I only read a page or two b4 kim called and we talked for a while - then sleep.

It really upsets me that her family and friends have been incessantly harping on our relationship since it started. You know what people? You don't know us! Even people who just read this blog can probably tell that we MUST love each other if we have had so many problems and still been able to pull it together and be happy with each other!

Yes there have been times when saying "on the rocks" would be an understatement, but 1 that's normal, 2 it's in the PAST, and most importantly, 3 it made us stronger as a couple. So butt out! Apparently there is now opposition to her coming back home, or staying beyond another 6 months if she does! How selfish! If things were not working out on some level, don't you think she would have moved home already?

We're happy and we're trying to build a life together, but Kim has a strong sense of loyalty, and the only people who don't want us to be together are those that she is loyal to and have NO IDEA what is going on on a day to day basis in our relationship! Until you know every word that passes between us you have no goddamn right to say whether we should be together or not.

I've had some serious issues with us in the PAST, but things have changed and we're really happy right now - don't you think maybe that's just as important as your ever-so-valuable opinions?

KTBB

.Christian

'ello.

There's nothing quite like listening to Poe while you type a blog in the library. Ahhh.

So i wanted to drop y'all a note and let you know that while i have been deluged ... Deluged i say! With work work work work work, i have yet managed to have a fun and interesting life!

Kim and i have been having a great time together, everything is fun and great again! I think we just really spent WAY too much time together after we moved. Valientine's day was wonderful - though we didn't go to Sting as we had planned (the show was cancelled) we got to spend the evening at home with a homecooked meal and great movie. (the family man)

School? It's all good. Things may not be amazingly fantastic, but at least they're ok. I have a bit of homework always due for the next day, but every now and then i get enough of a respite that everything seems perfectly fine again.

NEways, i'm off to do a group project... hasta la bye bye for now forks :-)

.Christian

PS: ktbb, cyotfs,b.
PPS: n stuff.

Take everything i said yesterday

Flip it, reverse it, dunk it in the blackest, murkiest oil spill you can find and throw it in Poe's Pit.

That's my day today.

I don't think i've felt this down in a while, and the world around me isn't making things any better. It's not like it started off bad - in fact it was fine until i went to IPE. Once i was there i realized how stupid i was gonna look when i got up to give my presentation on current events... and i was right. I got up and in a flash of sheer genius decided to mention another article i'd read last week before i started talking about the one i had for this one. It was stupid too, the only two questions that even came up were essentially "what the hell were you talking about?" and "what the hell is wrong with you and why can't you understand simple economic theory or practice?"

As if to make things entirely worse, after suffering through the class finding new ways to tell myself how fucking stupid i am, i made my way to the caf, sat down at a table where everyone usually sits, popped open my laptop, and watched as every person i knew came in and either sat somewhere else, or got some food THEN sat somewhere else.

So here i am just sitting at this stupid table all by myself and venting out my frustrations to the only place that cares. My computer. That is so FUCKING SAD! I don't understand this shit, i don't even have people around me that care enough to come up and just talk.

OK strike that. Choysandra (hell i don't even know how to spell that) just came up and congratulated me on my speech. Honestly i can't tell if it was mostly sarcasm, but considering the source i'll give her the benefit of the doubt. It's also a little encouraging because if it was meant as just a nice thing to say then i can't help but feel a little better about my DISASTROUS presentation.

I wish there were a reason to Blog when i'm happy, but i think my ratio right now is something like 5 billion bad blogs to one good blog.

I just found out that a friend of mine that i haven't talked to in a while is engaged. Mike and Maura, who you probably don't know, just got engaged on saturday. This is officially the second blog in which i've remarked a friend getting engaged. This is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.

Next is strategy. Then home to let lilly out. Lunch and Accounting. WHOLE BUTTLOAD of studying.

I honestly don't know why i'm here sometimes. Just hearing the people that came before me doing their presentations i realized that in comparison to them, i was not only at the bottom of the barrel, but i WAS the bottom of the barrel - in fact, i composed the particles which made up the mold, resting on the scum, adhered to the wood on the bottom of the barrel. I feel so inept that i don't know how i knew that word - people like me should use the word "stupid". Hell, 'incompetent' might be too much of a load on my brain.

ARGH!

What's worse is that i can't help but turn all that anger and resentment outside and blame everyone around me, who has nothing to do with any of this. It's almost as if i believe that if i could blame everyone here for everything, then just ignore them, my problems would go away! What makes it worse is that by excluding me even just a little, they give me something that i can explode into a problem worthy of carrying all those things i was talking about.

I don't know if my biggest problem is that i externalize my problems, or that i internalize my inadequacies, or that i don't just live my life and forget all that shit in the first place. Dear Abbie, please help! I want so much to feel wanted, appreciated, more importantly, to be NEEDED. What a great feeling! But how SELFISH! Let's think about it this way: Not "They are happier with me," but "They would be less happy without me." Why would you ever want someone else to be less happy just so that you can feel needed? What a fucking asshole i am. All these things that i do that i'm always convinced are because i want others to be happier or better or whatever are all just me wanting to be the one responsible for the positive change. I want to be the hero so i can be recognized. How bullshit is that?! Even this damn sweatshirt i'm wearing today is a stark reminder that i have been seeking personal glory and recognition through even the most altruistic-like means. Boy Scout Merit Badge Day? I was a joke! I did a worse job teaching those kids than they would have done themselves. I should have left, and they would have been better off.

God i hate days like this. All i can think about is how much i hate myself for being a hipocrite and a fool, both in equal quantities. You know what my birthday is to me? A day to fucking remember how much bullshit i inject into my life on a daily basis to make myself feel justified or vindicated against the crimes of the past commited against me by the ghosts of my insufferable and unending memories. Why does life SUCK so much? How am i supposed to be growing in any way from feeling so inadequate? You know what it means to be kind, forgiving, and giving? It means being a sucker who thinks that he's going to make up for all the shit in his past by being the best he can be, and being everything to everyone. It's bullshit. I'm a fucking waste of air. Aren't we all?

One day at a time, right? Well fuck it. I have things to do, places to go, and people to see. And i'm really fucking tired of hearing myself whine about this bullshit. Besides - check back on me tomorrow or later today and i'll probably be totally different. "And you shall find me a graver man." Sorry, bad joke - it's seriously not that bad. Actually i feel a lot better by now. Just getting all that crap off my chest has made me feel a lot better about everything. Well... relatively.

::Sigh:: Back to the grind then. Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

.Christian

PS: KTBB, 'cause why the hell not after a blog like this?

Quick post.

That's what this is.

I'm sitting in the IBIC (thunder-speak for "library" ... yay marketing) worrying about my Accounting mid-term. I'm wondering if i can get a good grade on this thing no matter how hard i study. I'm wondering if Erika, who has ever-so-kindly acquiesced to my pleas for help, can really help me at this point. I'm really thinking that i should stop typing my blog and study.

One last thing before i go tho - today was one of those days where everyone smiled and things were great all day, even through my premature commute and return. This has been a wonderful day. Thought i'd let ya know :-)

.Christian

So guess what?

I'm alive!

Yeah i know it seems like i just dropped off the face of the planet - but if you could hear the conversations around me right now, the "No no, put the positive number into the Debit column of the Cash T-Account and balance it with a positive Credit to the Notes Payable" would give you a pretty good idea of what i've been doing.

So the inevitable discussion topic arises: how's business school and what am i doing? Well, the answer is really pretty simple: tough and a lot. It seems like they have officially mastered the tradition of duping you into thinking that you might actually do pretty well, and they jumping you with a can of mace with "Accounting" and "Marketing Stategy" written down the side. My only hope is that this year will pass by as quickly as these last few weeks have done, and that i'll somehow survive the barrage of information that i am expected to remember after i graduate.

Is it worth it? I think so, but the most important thing that i have to remember is that no matter how much information i get, or how valid it is, you have to be able and willing to apply it later on in an effective manner to get a good, worthwhile job that might make you happy for a good portion of your life.

I'll tell you one thing though - the people here surprise me at almost every turn. I never really saw myself getting along with business students, y'know? Maybe it was the theater student in me that came up with all these horrible ideas about "the suits", but i can really say that they're not as fanatical (on the whole) as I may have originally convinced myself. The only issue i have with the group as a whole is the fact that they remind me of all the people i knew in New York City, where the motto is "Avoid eye contact and walk fast." It's so wierd! Argh! I never know if i'm actually liked or appreciated or if it's just this passive thing where they really couldn't care less. I think that for the most part i do it to myself though - i read into almost every action as if it could convey this deep meaning that the other person usually would never even have imagined!

Here's a general rule: If ya wanna be happy, shut that internal voice of yours up and deal with reality. I like it here - it's challenging me in a lot of ways that i couldn't have imagined just a month or two ago. By the same token, it's also helping me to accept people for who they are, no matter what, something i always thought i was oh, so good at. I don't know if i'll ever be able to conform to the general crowd here - hell i don't think i would want to! I like being in-between. Having that Mid-West attitude about life. Granted not everyone in the Mid-West is the sweetest, most understanding person you'll meet, but on the whole they are more relaxed and accepting - not necessarily of the world, but of life... sometimes you have to work on your insides more that your outsides.

I gotta say something though - i don't think i've ever felt so dumb. No i'm not fishing for compliments and no i don't want a resounding "Aw..." This is my Blog, and as i've mentioned before, it's mostly for me to vent than anything, if i wanted to see or hear people's reactions to said venting, i'd talk to them straight out.

So anyways, "never felt so dumb." On that, i'd like to elaborate. I'm sitting at a small, woody, wobbly table writing a blog with a water on one side and a case study packet on the other. To my left, two of the same square tables are joined up to mine, and four people are sitting discussing the economic situations in india, china, and mexico, and how they relate to the US. One has worked for CitiGroup, the others all have similar backgrounds. These people know the world in the exact opposite way that i've come to know it. How am i supposed to deal with that? Any way i can i guess. It's hard though, to accept that life has been flipped. I used to be the guy that everyone knew - the guy that always had one more ace up his sleeve to shock his audience. I may still have those aces, but the feeling that noone here would really care is a dominant force in my world here.

Humility is a lesson i have always deluded myself into believing that i had learned. The truth is that every day i learn a little more about how to blend, watch, listen, and grow from the people around me. Everyone has quite a few qualities that i could spend a lot of time learning from. One person in particular seems to mirror my own outlooks on life - but the question to me sometimes is if that mirroring makes us more similar, or more disparate. I can't help but feel that if i studied this person to the utmost degree, i might find the solution to my life. Vague? Now you know how i feel. If you think about it, it makes sense that people are always "finding" themselves in someone else. They're just conveniently falling in love with those people. I'm of the belief that i could learn a lot from every person i meet, and that in every person's life is the ultimate solution to someone else's problem.

::Sigh:: Before i start waxing philosophical i should really get going. I guess that if i were to sum up my whole experience thus far, it would be like this: I'm learning a lot about business, humanity, and myself - let's see if i can figure out how to apply it later ;-)

.Christian

PS: Tonight, kick those bed bugs for me - since i've been getting an average of 5 and a half hours of sleep each night, i haven't had the chance to really get em. So kick them. Kick them with your foot. Catch ya on the flip side, baby.

Blog on Request

Request Date: 1/15
Response Date: 1/24

Efficiency Margin: 9 Days
Procedural Effectiveness: POOR

So yeah - i've been a little swamped. We just finished what's called "Foundation's Week" for Thunderbird - and it was all work and all play. (yes it's possible)

By the time that i got done with one thing it was time for another. We had meetings on everything from Statistical Review to Financial Aid. We drank everything in the Pub. Life is good.

The only problem that i have with all this happy horse junk is that i haven't really had time for all of my friends, and i know that's bogus... the only thing i can really hope is that all that will change this following week - but i don't know. See, after this first week (if it doesn't start now) the fun really begins with group projects, tests (yes tests) and lots of studying.

See each trimester is 3 and a half months long and broken into two parts. That means that each class is on average only 1 and a half months long. THAT means that i have a mid term in 3 weeks, and a final in 6.

Let's just say i have a busy life ahead of me here.

In terms of Kim and i, i think that she really understands that i need to have as much freedom and Simplicity as possible - which given our penchant for arguing and being upset is just not realistic in our current situation. While this doesn't mean that we're breaking up entirely, it does mean that we have a kind of understanding that the only relationships i can afford to have right now are friendships. I don't really have the time or the energy for anything too high-maintenance - and won't for a year or so.

I think that the biggest thing is that i have to feel free to choose whatever career path and/or destination that would be best, and when you're trying to figure out your life, ... well you need space. The way i kinda figure it is this: As long as i have that freedom, it's ok to be in a relationship. I just feel kinda bad because i really don't know if we're both getting what we need here.

I dunno, i guess we'll see. I just know that i don't need to make my life any more complicated right now - i have enough to worry about and enough decisions to make in the next year to really keep me busy.

For those of you who know me, this may be a shock. But believe it. I'm working. Hard. And a lot.

::shudder:: I miss Gorman's and Kenny's Pool.

It's wierd - i've never considered oberon a burden, but between him and lilly, it's really hard to live a half hour away from campus. We're thinkin about moving closer - i don't really want kim to do that though - or maybe i do, i dunno... right now i'm getting a tongue bath from lilly, so it's really hard to type anything. Anyways. I was thinking about buying a house close to campus, and then i could always keep it or sell it after class is all done. Think that i was thinking about was just staying and maybe working for Honeywell (right across the street) but this would again be limiting me. I think if i'm willing to sacrifice everything else, maybe rent money should be included in the list.

God this is tough. It's exactly the opposite of the non-changing, definite life that i had been growing to want. Ah well - just a little while longer - then i can think about settling down or something.

You know what's sad? This is just all the stuff that i can actually write about without worrying too much about people's reactions. I wish i had an offline journal too - but i'm pretty bad about even keeping this one updated - and i LIKE keeping this one updated!

OK well, i have to go - it was good seeing you all again for a second. ::sigh::

Back to the grind!

.Christian

So what up?

So i've been cleaning my office and trying to get ready for school - and lemme tell ya, i'm findin stuff in here that i really had no idea even existed. Like, pens and pencils and stuff... oh, and thumbtacks... yeah those hurt a little in the discovering.

So now Oberon's sittin on my desk with his head in front of the monitor. What did i just type? i dunno, lemme ask the back of the friggin cat's head! Seriously, if telling him about the difference between a window and a door would make a lick a difference, i just might. Oh what the hell, why not ... brb.

Hey, it worked. Heh heh - just call me Prot.

So New Year's... wow - couldn't a seen that one coming from a year away. I have no clue what we're gonna be doing to celebrate. I thought that Kim was gonna go to Chicago, but it turns out she's stayin here, so we're tryin ta figure out what the hell we're gonna do. We might just do a dinner thing - which sounds nice enough :-)

I've been doing OK with the whole IT consulting thing, BTW. It just sort of popped out of nowhere without much assistance from yours truly, and now the client i acquired about a month ago just recommended me to one of her friends, not to mention that i was working for her husband as well. I don't charge much, but it feels good to get paid a little somethin somethin, yknow?

So anyways, in closing i want to say 2 things - one is that i really miss all y'all, especially when i think about all the walks, talks, and ::ahem:: parties.... Two is that i just heard that one of my old (ex?) friends is engaged! Apparently Nic and Liz have finally decided to get hitched, so howzabout everybody give em their best wishes! Everyone deserves to have a happy, healthy life with someone they love!

Aright, that's enough for now... i need to get back to pretending that i'm productive. Catch ya on the flip side, baby!

.Christian

PS: i know it's the middle of the day - but kick them bed bugs anyway.

Time and cookies.

Today's Hollander is a huge deviation from the original direction of the blog - though that's what i was kind of hoping for. I wanted a diverse set of stories from one immense life... i guess I should say it's coming together nicely.

BTW, i have not lost my mind.

Yet.

Or again, depending on who you talk to.

I'm going to go to sleep, wake up, and do myriad useful chores and duties. And sing. Because why not?

.Christian

PS: flip side, bed bugs.

Yo, yo.

Just wanted to drop y'all (heh heh, there's that illinois comin through) a quick note just in case i forget before the holidays... HAPPY HOLIDAYS! HAPPY NEW YEAR! WHO'S YER DADDY! ... wait ... i think that last may have been misplaced. Ah well, you get the gist.

Just a brief summary of events and general sentiment for this week:

Monday: Applied to T-Bird, stressed.

Tuesday: Got into T-Bird and celebrated with some good friends, elated - almost as good as saturday.

Wednesday: Busy with little stuff, imagine my smiling face - now take the smile away.

Thursday: Found out that there have been health problems with George (stepdad), take yesterday's face and distort it with one of those Fun House mirrors... voila.

Friday: Just finished an email to Maura after finding out things are great with her; found out that george can come home for christmas; wrote a blog, life is good.

Preview of Saturday: LAST DAY AT RADIOSHACK!! WHOS YER DADDY?! (see, told you it was misplaced)

Well folks, i'm outta here for now - catch ya on the flip side, baby.

.Christian

PS: don't forget to kick them bed bugs tonight, k?

Just thought i'd let y'all know

that as of January 18th, i will officially be a student at Thunderbird. American Graduate School of International Management. Just so you know.

.Christian

PS: YEEEEEE FRIGGIN HAAAAAAW!!